Dear you,

I'm upset with you because not only did you drop a friendship of almost 8 years, but you dropped me like I was nothing. Like everything we had been through was nothing to you. And I know I had my fair share of mistakes and so did you but they were not anything that we could not have sat down and resolved. So why did you pick this fight-this argument to decide that you were done with me? What did I do that made you dislike me so much? I know you told me your reasoning but all you ever said was you were too stubborn to talk to me and to get over what I had done but why?

I just need to know. Was what I had done THAT bad? Because I know what I did hurt you but it was not worth losing a friendship that I thought was strong enough to get through anything. I want you to know how I am genuinely feeling. And I want you to actually see this through my perspective because yes, I have looked through yours multiple times, and every time I realize more and more that I hurt you. But I also realize that this is something that could have been resolved if you just would have just talked to me.

My guess with this whole situation is that it was a buildup of a bunch of things you were angry at me for. But how would I have known? You never ever told me you were upset with me doing something. And when you did I respected you enough to not continue with those things. I had always been respectful of you and even throughout this situation I was. It Is just difficult for me to understand why so much chaos abrupted over something so superficial. There is no way such a little thing could have sprouted such a large reaction. I guess that is something I will never understand.

I need you to know that yes, I am angry. I’m angry because I tried multiple times to try and reach out to you and just try and understand what was happening and each time you ignored me. I’m angry because you called me a liar on various accounts with nothing to even make that statement viable, and I NEVER lied about anything. I’m angry because this could have easily been avoided if again, you would have just talked to me! Knowing that I lost someone I thought I would have forever over something that could have been discussed makes me sick to my stomach. All of the disorder and confusion that has played out over the last month could have been avoided if you would have just thrown your pride to the side for one minute instead of ignoring every attempt I made at resolving things with you.

I do not think you quite understood that I was very much confused as to why you were upset with me, and to be honest, I’m still in that state of mind. You kept saying that I was confusing your reasons for being upset with me, when in actuality I have no clue. You changed your mind about it multiple times. Or at least that’s how I perceived it. You never gave me a legitimate reason for being angry, you just left it up to my imagination. And in my opinion that is a very confusing way to make someone feel bad for what they did but I don’t know that’s just me.

Like I said multiple times already, I had reached out to you multiple times. I think it was actually 6-7 times in the short span of maybe 2-3 weeks but who’s counting? Anyways you ignored each and every one of those attempts, making it clearer and clearer that you did not want me bothering you. That hurt me a lot. And when I say a lot I mean A LOT. I thought our friendship was so much stronger than the pettiness of you ignoring every thought out and genuine message I had sent you. You ignored them like I was the dirt under your shoes and I did not take that easily.

So by the time you had decided you were ready to talk, I was done talking. I was done wondering what was going through your head that you had me waiting almost a month for you to even respond to my many attempts at reaching you. I get that you needed time, but almost a month, and yet you still needed more? You should not have to have that much time to decide if a friendship is worth saving. And I should not be stuck hurting and questioning every single thing I had ever done that could possibly make you feel this way about me.

I never wanted things to get to this point. I don’t think you did either but a mix of both of our actions led to this outcome. The way things ended up is neither my fault nor yours alone. It was both of us who decided to react the way that we did.

And as much as I want to be angry and curse at you and make it seem like you're the worst person in the world for not handling things differently I know I am so much better than that. And so are you.

So I guess I really just want to say that I am sorry. And I know I said it a million times already and meant it every time I said it and you never believed me when I did. But you just need to know that I genuinely do apologize. I'm sorry that I led you to the actions that you felt you had to take to hurt me. I'm sorry for making you feel the need to be cruel, because I know that is not you. I'm sorry that it made me feel that same exact way. I’m sorry if my genuine feelings hurt you, you just need to know where I am coming from and how this has me feeling. I'm just sorry that it ever led to this. Because this something I never wanted for us.

I really do hope the best for you. You gave me 8 years of friendship that I would not take back even if I could. We went through our ups and downs and always managed to come back up from them. This just so happened to be one hole that could not be dug out from. Maybe this is just where our road ended. Either way, I know you are going to do great things, I’m just sorry I’m not there to witness it all.