Dear Fear,

I’m not sure where to begin. You and I have had our differences in the past, but enough is enough. You cannot control me, you cannot rule me, and you cannot prevent me or provoke me from this day forth. You have taken a piece of me and that’s just fine, keep it. The new me is a fighter, and she won’t give up. You can take my friends, you can take my education, you can even take my dignity but you won’t take me as a person. I’ve stayed awake staring at a ceiling one to many nights in a row out of fear of a decision or an already decided fate I knew I would soon have to face. I’ve sat at an empty bar with nothing but an endless cycle of gin and tonic out of fear that standing up and trying, I would not succeed. I’ve stood before a man whom I love, and have said goodbye out of fear. I have looked at my best friend dead in the eye and left her to fiend for herself alone, out of fear. I chose to runaway from home, out of fear. I chose not to love anymore, out of fear. I chose to hate myself, out of fear. I have developed these feelings, out of fear.

Fear you made me into a person with a tough exterior, a scary one. So intimidating that people were threatened by my presence, they were in fear of getting to know the real me. The inside of me was softer then jelly, but nobody would ever know due to you, fear. I’ve had time to self-reflect, re-evaluate and I will never go back to that person you turned me into. You don’t scare me anymore. You instead will fuel the fire in me. The anxiousness you give me will be put forth and I will take it as a challenge. There’s a fight I’m about to face and I have avoided it far too long. I’m going headfirst and I’ll most likely fail, but I’m not afraid to fail anymore. I’m fighting for my family and my friends; I’m fighting for my rights and my voice. You took away my voice, and I succumbed and grew weak for a moment’s time.

However, I know now that I will be okay. I may lose everything in my life, but I won’t lose my sleep anymore due to fear. I will not sit at home on my bed without a move without a noise because of fear. I will not stop fighting you fear. You took away one to many opportunities that I will never get back. You stole precious weeks, months, and years from me that I will never get back. Screw you. You are my new motivation to be better, to do better, to be more.

Fear you don’t scare me. You excite me to challenge myself to overcome the things I never would have before. So please continue to try, you will only push me to ultimately defeat you. I have my family, I have my friends, and I have a new found love of life and appreciation for what I will always have. You are malicious, vindictive, and evil and you will never take me again.

Sincerely yours,

The new me