Dear Dad,

I want to start off by saying I do love you. I even miss you sometimes.

I wish you were around more and had a sideline view of me growing up instead of just pictures and stories. You moved away when I was little and I don’t remember it, but what I do remember is the hour-long phone calls and the gifts on holidays and birthdays.

I saw you once every five years. No child should only see their dad every five years.

You always used to promise me that you would move close to me and find a job so I could see you more. Dad, why did you make your move my decision? I was six years old -- you were the adult, not me. But you made it my decision.

That is something I have always been mad at you about. You made our relationship up to me. That's a lot of pressure to put on such a young kid.

Push past that a few years and you finally came to visit me. It was very awkward at first, but then we became okay and played games at the arcade, then you went back to your hotel. After that trip, I didn’t see you for another five years -- do you know how long that is to a child?

The phone calls got shorter and shorter over the years. They went from hours and hours to no more than an hour. You always made the phone calls about me, which when I was little was okay because I could go on forever about my life.

But the older I got, the less I had to talk about and the more you had to contribute, which I learned was not your thing. I wanted a dad, not a friend, and that's more of what you were.

I am at the age where every conversation we have can’t be just about me -- you have to contribute. You have to have those conversations and answer the questions that I need answered, like why you moved away or why you rarely came to visit me.

Why you never told me about my brother and why you, to this day, deny that he is real.

I won't ever be able to forgive you for what you have done. If you want me in your life, you have to put in effort because I am tired of putting in all the work. I'm an adult now and I won't come running to you every time I get in an argument with Mom.

You haven’t called me in months, or emailed me, not even for my birthday. Did you know that I don’t know when your birthday is?

I never knew my grandparents because you hardly let me speak to them. How is that fair?

So basically, this letter is to say, I love you and you will always have a place in my heart. You are my father because we are related, but you aren’t my dad.

You have chosen to not be my dad by the way you did things. I really wish things were different because I miss my dad.

I wish you were there for me more and you could have been the dad that came to my volleyball games, graduation or even my first day of college. Even better, you could have congratulated me on getting in to college or graduating high school.

You haven’t given me the love I deserve, dad. That what hurts me the most.

When a girl grows up without a father, it's a lot harder on them. The decisions they make get blamed on them “having daddy issues,” which I can tell you isn’t fun to grow up with.

I miss you, dad, but I'm done trying. It takes too much to be the adult in our relationship. I hope that one day you can finally fill the role in my life that you are supposed to. I love you and I'll always be your baby girl. But it's too hard on me to keep giving and not receiving anything in return. It's up to you now.

Love,

Your baby girl