"It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?"
I've always loved that line from the song, "Mr. Brightside." Back when the song came out, I didn't even really understand the significance of it. But now, almost seven years later, after being slipped a phone number on restaurant bill while your wife's in the bathroom and messaged from a second social media account your girlfriend doesn't know about, I finally get it. Cheating's everywhere. You may not have personally been cheated on, but chances are, you know someone who has been. You might even know someone who's been the cheater or even done the deed yourself.
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Take the other day for example. Here I am minding my own business on my commute to work when a guy comes and sits down next to me even though there was clearly an entire empty row across the aisle. How desperate could he really be? I'm obviously not a monster, so I followed his lead and kept the conversation going despite the fact it was seven in the morning and all I wanted to do was sleep. Conversation passed so easily and next thing I knew, I was at my bus stop ready to get off. He politely asked for my number and to my surprise, I was actually excited. I spent the day texting him in between meetings and making plans to grab coffee after we both got off later that day.
Before I went to tell my friends about the new cutie, I figure I'd look him up on Facebook since I knew they'd ask for a picture immediately and you can't go into battle unprepared. With a quick search of his name, I found him no problem. As I clicked on his page, something in the corner of my eye caught my attention. As I looked closer, I saw the dreaded words no girl wants to see: in a relationship. The kicker...since 2011. Typical.
With a heavy heart, I texted him that something came up and I'd have to cancel on coffee and within minutes, the typical response of, "Did I do something wrong?" appeared in my inbox. Do I ignore it, do I lie and sugar coat it? There was nothing ideal about the situation. I soon after realized I barely knew this kid for a day, why did he deserve his feelings be spared? In that moment, I revealed the nature of my stalk to him and waited anxiously for his response. A few minutes passed, nothing. An hour later, still nothing. Finally he texted back. "We just broke up, but I haven't updated my Facebook yet."
Oh, really? How convenient. I mean hey, maybe he did just breakup with her a few days ago, but what does that say that he's out already moving on? How are you supposed to trust someone who literally just got out of relationship? Am I really just a rebound to get over her? That doesn't settle well either.
It's things like this that make us question people's motives. In or just out of relationship, you won't win. What's so appealing about me? Am I smarter than your girlfriend, do you think I'd be better in bed?
Do you know what you're doing by thinking that? You're making me feel like the last piece of pizza instead of a human being; you're basically trying to degrade me to an inanimate object that you can control when "she isn't pleasing you." Oh, and don't forget the lines "we got in a fight" or "she doesn't understand me like you do." Boo-hoo.
You may want to play this game, but kiddo, let me tell you something, it takes two to tango and I'm sure as heck not going to be the queen of your chess game conquest.
Cheating is irreversible. You can do it only once, but the damage is done. The purity and the trust of the relationship is gone. Is the thrill of getting caught worth destroying someone's trust forever?
There's no one that's forcing you to stay in the relationship. So if you're unhappy, then you have the right to leave. You and only you alone made the decision to enter so you can easily do the same and leave. If you have the balls to cheat, then you can break off a relationship.
Don't destroy someone else's trust to make yourself happy. Do yourself a favor and treat both parties with respect, it's the least you can do. And have you ever thought about how this would affect me? Hypothetically, I was the girl you snuck away from your girlfriend or wife for, the girl you risked everything for; sooner or later one of us would catch feelings and sometime down the road, you'd realize you never had any intention of leaving your partner and I'd be left in shambles. And you wouldn't have to deal with the consequences because why would you care about the girl you left to return back to your soulmate in some fairy tale romance story. After all, I was only just your mistress, someone to fill the void, a speed bump on your life journey.
If you're not happy with someone, then let them go. You can claim you can't because you don't want to hurt their feelings by breaking up with them but how do you think they'd feel if they found out you cheated on them? Unaffected, OK with it? Yeah alright you must be pretty naive if you think that.
Sure you can say you're only making that person stronger, in some twisted way you cheating on them is making them realize just how dark and ugly the world can be.
But little do you know you're only forcing that person to strengthen themselves while slowly destroying yourself. That person will spend the next few months picking up the broken pieces and trying to take back lost time. But we both know that's not possible. And soon enough, they'll stop trying to turn back time and eventually they'll go on to find someone who looks at them like drunk me looks at pizza; they'll show them that a true relationship is worth waiting for and that they're not worth giving up, something your destruction replayed over and over in their mind. But you. How long do you think you can keep up that lifestyle, never satisfied without the chase and always looking for the next best thing?
My advice? Quit the game before you're worse off than the people you left in your wake. But if you're going to cheat, then do it on your own conscience. I hope you can live with that choice. Because I certainly can't imagine being the one to destroy a relationship.
So the flattery's cute and all, but I'll pass.
