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A Letter To The Boy Who Will Never Understand My Pain

I am stronger now because of you.

Isabella Ramer

Jun 27, 2016

Southwestern Oklahoma State University

857

A Letter To The Boy Who Will Never Understand My Pain

Isabella Ramer

Dear You,

We started out like any typical first love or high school relationship. We met and we thought we were in love after two weeks. You were different than every other boy I had ever met in my 15 years of life. You were respectful, and you seemed like you generally cared for me more than anyone else ever has. When I was 15, I never knew you would be my longest relationship at this point in my life, a person I love dearly or the pain you would cause.

Our relationship was so great at first, but you and your past demons turned the relationship to crap. The lies, the drugs and all the secrets – between all of this, you ruined my outlook on love and what I thought love was. You will never understand all of my sleepless nights crying because once again you lied to me about drugs and your extracurricular activities. You will never understand how many times I have prayed you would leave heroin behind. You will never understand the disappointment I feel every time you come back into my life for two weeks, only to leave again a week later.

You were addicted to heroin, and I was addicted to you. You are my high when you are around, and I go through withdrawals every time you leave. Everyone asks, "why do you put up with that, you are worth so much more than anything he has to offer." Sadly, I do not know the answer to this question, even though you leave the same way every time. I guess I hope you will turn back into the same person I dated for three years and love me like you used to. You hurt me again and again because I let you. The fact that I let you do this makes me hate myself even more than I hate you. You do not understand my pain, and you never will.

Fortunately, for me, the pain does not hurt like it used to. I am stronger, and I am better, so thank you for that. One day, the last time will be the last time. Your cries and your tears will no longer trap me, and I will be free from you forever. I cannot wait for that day when I will finally be free.

With love,

From the girl you will never deserve.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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I know every college student has daily thoughts throughout their day. Whether you're walking on campus or attending class, we always have thoughts running a mile a minute through our heads. We may be wondering why we even showed up to class because we'd rather be sleeping, or when the professor announces that we have a test and you have an immediate panic attack.

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A Letter To The Boy Who Will Never Understand My Pain

I am stronger now because of you.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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