Back in January of 2017, I wrote a letter to myself and decided to publish it on Odyssey, looking back I probably shouldn't have, oftentimes making our goals public can often do more harm than good. I stopped writing, had a busy schedule, made every excuse in the book. December of 2019 came around and I was able to maintain my 292lbs weight and then I decided I needed to get serious, between 2017 and 2018 I had three kidney stones, a resting heart rate of over 100-120ish, I was a burger away from having a heart attack and needing a CPAP machine. So, on a June night in 2019, I finally decided I had enough, I had enough of wondering if I would die from a heart attack, alone, with no one there to help me--I have to admit the thought reigned over my headspace, I wasn't comfortable wearing the same outfits every day. Enough was enough, it was my make it or break it time.

I started my new journey doing research, creating diet plans, looking at exercise routines, the usual stuff people do I even changed gyms, I moved away from Planet Fitness (yeah, the gym with the "no judgment" but totally judging anyone who drops weights or wears the wrong tank top), I moved to VASA fitness, the brand new gym right next to my home in Tulsa, my thinking at the time was that I needed a gym with the right philosophy. I started with the basics, calories-in, and calories-out, it really can be that simple. Now with that said, you can't just eat whatever you want with those calories you are allowed to use, you have to eat nutritious foods-- I hadn't quite figured that out while I stood over my plate from Panda Express (hey, the grilled teriyaki chicken is absolutely the best). What I ended up learning is that it's possible to eat nutritious foods, stay within your calories, and it's possible to enjoy it! I saw this as a challenge, as a game to be won with only two players, me and my headspace. Ninety-percent of the battle is discipline, it's choosing to put long-term rewards over momentary pleasure, instead of staying in to play video games or watch movies I'm going to the gym, or on a hike! Instead of binging a whole bag of chips, I'm going to limit myself to one serving--I figured out how to get discipline through fasting which I'll talk about later. At the time though I was still new to the fitness world, so I thought I'd just stay at a certain calorie intake and that magically by lifting random weights I'll lose weight and get ripped, well time went on and I wasn't happy anymore, I was starting to dread the gym and I wasn't seeing the results. I took a step back and I found I was overcalculating my energy expenditure from the gym, so I was still overeating. I had heard about fasting and it piqued my interest, sounded like a challenge, try not to eat for a whole day, I did it! I found my headspace clearing up, I started to be happier, my mental clarity was on the up and I could focus better! I decided to focus on water consumption during my fast and cutting out soda. Drinking more water, getting rid of that nasty soda cleared my skin up, I even lost weight, I was seeing results. So what I decided to do was intermittent fasting, fasting off-and-on during the week, and going to the gym the days I was not fasting. I finally lost my starting goal, I hit two-hundred and fifty pounds. I was finally seeing the results I wanted, my diet was simple and fun, I had a rhythm-- once you find what works for you keep doing it!

January of 2020 came and I found a new challenge--running. When I first thought of this challenge I was so unmotivated to run it sounded horrible, gasping for air, legs hurting, my first run was laughable, I ran maybe half a mile before I thought I might die, but I didn't. I kept doing my thing, minus the fasting, I quit fasting and just went to a low-calorie high-protein diet consisting of chicken, veggies, fruits, and a couple less than desirable "unhealthy" foods as a reward for my hard work, it's incredibly important to reward yourself! I finally hit two-thirty, in April of 2020 I was able to run three miles, I was losing weight and then the virus happened and I moved back to Moore in July and I was able to keep a routine going without the gym but luckily the gym reopened. I shifted my runs to high-intensity interval training a workout where you hit a target heart rate and sustain it for a small period of time usually thirty-seconds to a minute which really progressed my run times and endurance! In September I ran my first 5k and placed 6th out of 10 in my category of guys! I finally hit two-hundred pounds and just this week I reached down to one-ninety, my resting heart rate is about sixty beats and my sleeping heart rate is forty which is good considering I workout six-to-seven days a week!

However, there was one last lesson for me to learn, I was now undereating, low energy, sluggish in the mornings, no motivation, here is the last lesson, it's ok to splurge, whether its a Mexican-style restaurant or a weekly trip to Norman for chocolate-chip pancakes with frosting! I'm still trying to burn fat off my stomach and I found that the Sunday splurge I took has actually been helping that fat burn (not sure on the science exactly but from what I gather the large consumption shocks your metabolism into overdrive)!

Today, I weigh about 195lbs, I have these cool muscle groups, it's important to note though, I don't plan to get ripped, bodybuilding is not for me, but I do want to strength-train and continue running and challenging myself! I ran my first 10k today and I'm enjoying this new freedom losing weight has gifted me with! Now, I don't want anyone reading this to think you need to lose weight to be happy, I've never said that and I never will. I'm also never going to say that you shouldn't love yourself because of your weight. Weight loss, dieting, any kind of lifestyle change should not be started unless the premise for doing so is out of self-love, I nearly fell into the trap of harmful lifestyle changes. With that said, 'healthy at every size' is a myth and its one that nearly killed me, being obese is not healthy, I would challenge anyone reading this if you are overweight to first love yourself, never stop loving yourself, you are valid, you matter, second if you personally decided it's beneficial for you to lose weight, do your research and whatever choices you make do them out of self-love, and never turn away from the burn of pushing yourself in the gym or on the running track, be disciplined and have fun! If you aren't having fun then what's the point? Smile and laugh and have fun and challenge yourself on your journey! At the end of the day, whether you are big or small, you matter and you are loved!