Over and over. It never seemed to end. The pain you caused me always seemed unexpected, yet it happened the same way each time. I want to say I hate you, but I can’t. It’s like a part of me dies each time you break my heart. I let you back into my life over and over, and that was my fault. I never should have done that. I don’t know if I regret it because I enjoyed our time together. You were the one that seemed to understand me the most. I let you know everything about me and held nothing back. I loved you with everything I had. I wanted nothing more than to be happy with you. You couldn’t give me that.

You have a problem, and I thought I could fix it. I thought if I gave you all my attention and showed you and the world how much you meant to me that you would change. That you would stop jumping around to other girls time and time again. I tried so incredibly hard to make you stay. I thought I had you for good. We made plans for the future; we looked at rings, we discussed dates, how we were going to be together once we graduated and started our careers. I thought that was enough. I thought I had it all made. I was wrong.

You’ve told me that we’re toxic for each other. You’re only partially right. I did nothing but love you. You, on the other hand, destroyed me. While I thought you were the greatest thing to happen to me, you were slowly ruining my life. Every single girl you’ve ever been with has been cheated on by you. That really messes people up. I lost my trust in you a long time ago, and I lost faith in love in general. You are toxic. You have never changed, and I doubt you ever will. You cheat. That’s who you are. You manipulate and lie and use people, but you do it with such charm that no one seems to realize what’s going on until it’s over.

It’s not fair that you’re always the one to end up happy. You move onto a new girl before your current relationship is over. Behind you, you left a trail of anger, distrust, and depression. You’re toxic to everyone who comes in contact with you. For years, you’ve been a horrible influence on me. And yet somehow I haven’t been able to shake you. It hurt. It still hurts. You’ve left an impact on my life so negative that I can no longer function like I used to. You don’t care. As far as I can tell, you never have cared, or you wouldn’t be such a horrible person.

I used to think you would be the man I would grow up with, share a life with, get a dog with. Dang was I wrong. I can’t even call you a man because you act like a child. You play this innocent kid who’s just dated a few crazy girls. It’s believable simply because you’ve made them crazy. It’s unbelievable, but it’s an ongoing cycle.