Monday, Oct.16 marks the beginning of my eighth week of college.
Looking back, I am incredulous at how much has changed in such a short period of time. Already I have made friends and lost them, skipped class, and broken down in tears — all tell-tale signs of the college experience. I never expected the transition to be easy, but this is one jerky rollercoaster headed at 60 mph through a tunnel of darkness. I don’t know what the next turn will bring, but I hope it gets me to where I need to be.
Dear Future Self,
Where are you right now? Are you alone? Are you happy? I hope you’ve found peace in who you are. Maybe you’ve embarked on life-changing adventures or found the love of your life. Maybe not. All I can say is that right now, in this very moment, you are scared and lonely.
You’ve settled into college life and established a routine, but this dorm is not home. Home meant dogs circling your feet and cats on your lap. It meant space heaters, Christmas lights, half-finished puzzles strewn across your floor — the stuff of comfort. Most importantly, however, it meant Mom and Dad’s voices as they talked while dinner cooked.
There is no familiar laughter here, or at least not yet. Instead of the hum of your parents conversations, slamming doors and elevator dings fill your homework hours. Shirtless boys running cavalierly down the halls will never cease to shock you, and you just can’t get used to that unspoken Open Door Rule — keep that dorm door open to prove you’re not a social pariah. You’ve always liked personal space and silence, but dorm life is the ruckus of one too many strange voices and an omnipresent feeling of loneliness.
But you tried to build yourself a home here. You took a stab at Greek life and got a bid at that, but Sisterhood sounded a lot more appealing in theory. Still, you ventured on and began studying outside of your room. You talk to the people you live with and force yourself outside of that comfort zone. You think you’re making friends but you can still count the number of people you talk to on one hand. Maybe it’s too overwhelming to see the big picture right now, though. You see so many others who have the picturesque college lifestyle already — the friends, the workout buddies, the dinner groups. So you wonder, where does this leave you?
College is a culture shock, no doubt about it. Just because you’re slower at adjusting than others doesn’t mean it’s too late to break into the social scene, however. You keep moving forward, day in and day out because this rough time will pass. They always do. You grew up believing that everything happens for a reason, so maybe this is just the Universe or Fate keeping you on your toes. You never knew when the next best thing is around the corner. Future me, always remember: you’re onto greater things.
Love,
Maya
