At 20 years old, I have learned way more about myself and about life in the past two years of being an "adult" than I had ever learned in the eighteen years before. Maybe this is due to the fact that nineteen and twenty are the first two years of actually being an adult or that it was the first two years that I've had to live and figure things out on my own, I don't know for sure but I do know that in these two years, I've taken things for granted, made silly decisions, and let little things bother me that will mean nothing to me in the next five years. I've made mistakes and though I refuse to beat myself up about the choices I have made in the past, there are a few things that I wish I would have known to save myself some time. Everyone dreams of the day that they start their own family and although I know I am still a long ways away from that chapter of my life, here are a few things I'll tell my daughter in hopes of making growing up a little bit easier for her.
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Life is beautiful. I won't force myself to lie to you and tell you that life is always beautiful, but life is a beautiful thing and though there will be very good days, okay days, and very bad days, life is still very beautiful. Don't you ever forget that.
I don't look forward to the day of your first heartbreak, but I do look forward to how strong it is going to make you once you move forward. That boy isn't worth a second more of your time and, believe me, there are plenty more where he came from. Scribble his name on the inside of a bathroom stall with a dried out sharpie and leave him there. Forget about him because although it may not feel like it at the time, another one will come along that will make you forget the way he said your name and instead make you appreciate how he sounded when he said goodbye.
Those girls who are snickering about your new shoes that you begged me to buy in the store, ignore them. Do not be ashamed. Those are some killer shoes and they'll be begging for the same pair next month. Be a trend setter and work your own style, you weren't born to be a follower, you were born to be a leader.
Do not be afraid to take risks. Tomorrow you'll regret what you didn't do yesterday, so live in the present and make sure you won't miss any opportunity to make a memory. Fear is temporary but you will hold onto memories for the rest of your life.
Spend a little more time with your parents and a little less time with technology. Now, I know that this may seem selfish of me because of course, I will want to spend a lot of time with you, but take this from a kid's point of view when I say that time with your parents is never time wasted. Not everyone has parents that they get to spend time with and one day, you won't either. Your parents will do a lot for you and the less you appreciate it, the less you will get in return. Spend your time and attention wisely. Time is precious and you can never get it back.
Not only should you spend your time wisely, but also spend your money wisely. Save up for something you'll appreciate, or even save it for a rainy day. Money is important. No, money will not buy your happiness, but I can guarantee that saving your money instead of spending it on useless junk will alleviate a lot of stress. Maybe your favorite band will go on tour, maybe you'll want a new car, who knows but if something like that does come up, you'll wish you had the money to make it happen. Money is precious too and although you can get it back unlike time, that is not a guarantee. Be frugal, but not cheap.
Never be afraid of change. Things are going to change, no matter if you want them to or not. So be prepared and be willing to accept the changes that come to you. Adapt, evolve and accept. Things will change, but things will still be good.
Never put up with disrespect from anyone, even your elders despite popular belief. You are human, we are all human, we are all equal, no matter your age, race, gender or sexuality. Never be disrespected, but never be disrespectful. This may sound cliche but it is forever true: treat others how you want to be treated.
Appreciate the rain. I know it puts a damper on things when you want to be in the sun, but always appreciate it. The rain keeps you alive, it keeps the world alive.
Never be envious. If you look anything like me, green doesn’t look good on you. Be happy for others even when they have things that you want. Good things will come to you too in time.
Never ever EVER feel like you are not enough. You are more than enough, always. There may be days where you feel like you have lost yourself or days where you feel a little on your own, but you will always be enough. You have much to offer the world, so get out there and show everyone what you're made of.
Talk to me. Please. I want to hear about your day, I want to hear about that stupid boy and how he makes you feel giddy inside. I want to know you for you, not just as my daughter, but I want to know you as a friend. I am here for you, always. I know what it feels like to be alone and I know what it feels like to bottle things up and it sucks, to say the least. My mom was always there for me when I needed her and I intend to always be there for you. My mom taught me that sometimes your mom is the only constant thing you will have, and I will forever be your constant, no matter who comes in and out of your life, I will always be your mom.
Sing louder. And by louder, I mean LOUDER. Seriously, I mean this. If you take anything from this letter, I want this to be the one thing you cling to. The louder you sing, the better you feel, I don't care if you sound like a dying cow or not, sing. Sing in the shower, sing in the car, sing outside, sing inside, just sing!
Bad hair days are nothing to fuss over. Throw on a hat, put it in a bun, leave it a mess, do whatever you want. It'll look better tomorrow.
Read more books. Fiction, nonfiction, anything. You are not a nerd for reading books. You will appreciate those books that make you cry til 4am, and you will appreciate those books that make you laugh your ass off. Books teach you about life, and you never should stop learning.
It's okay to be scared. Be scared but do not let it consume you. Fear is your friend, but never let it bully you. Fear pushes you to challenge yourself. Always challenge yourself. Fear is sometimes the only thing that keeps you going. Be afraid, but do not let it keep you from living.
Cry. Seriously, just cry and let it all out. Let out that ugly sob that you have been holding in all day because once you let it out, you'll feel a hell of a lot better. Trust me. You are not weak for crying. Confronting your feelings will help you pick yourself up and move on. I can attest to this: crying feels good so why not cry if you need to cry?
Always ask questions. They will not answer themselves.
Please remember that when you hate me, you still love me. I know that you hating me at one point or another is inevitable, but it'll pass (I hope). Hate me all you want, just remember that you still do love me.
Don’t overthink, it will kill you.
Drive with the windows down more often. Sure, you'll have messy hair, but nothing beats the feeling of the wind whipping your hair around on a nice sunny day.
Turn your music up loud. Always. I'm probably going to be deaf by the time I am 52 years old but at this point I don't care. I like my music loud and if you are anything like me, so will you.
There are so many things you will learn in life, and I really hope that you take my advice and run with it because these are the things that I wish I would have appreciated earlier and I don't want you to get stuck dwindling on missed opportunities like me. Live your life how you want to live it. Be safe, be smart, and be kind.
Most of all, you do you and be the best person that you can be. You get one life and that's it. Don't take things for granted and don't fuss over the little things. Make smart choices and make choices that will make a positive impact on you and those you surround yourself with. As my high school principle used to say, make it a great life or not, the choice is yours.
