Dear Old Friends,
Hey. It's been a while. For some, it's been years. For others, it's been a few months. How are you? I hope you're well. When I reflect on my life nowadays, I feel the powerful impulse to cast my mind into the past and remember the times we shared together- times that are long gone. In recent events, I've felt like a bottle of thoughts and emotions; for so long I've kept these powerful feelings to myself. I can't keep it in anymore. I have to tell you, now of all times.
I want to start off by saying that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having the atrocious habit of just disappearing into thin air. How for a majority, I would promise to stay in contact then never say anything to them again. I was never good at goodbyes, honestly.
But at the same time I want to say, thank you. I want you all to know how I truly feel in my heart of hearts because there may come a time when it'll be too late. The best place to start is the beginning.
The first time I had to say goodbye was after 5th grade, where I was placed in private school. My parents felt it best to take me out of the public school system even though I had no interest in leaving my childhood friends. At eleven years old, it felt like I'd never see any of you again. I didn't tell you of course. But after you found out, you all would say, "They kept calling out your name in our classes."
It was at that age where I stopped seeing a vast majority of you. Even so, thank you. The days at Wilbert Snow School and the times on both a Recreational and Travel Soccer team shaped a foundation for me; a foundation that established my trust in the world and other people.
Just after two years at Independent Day School, I left to attend Woodrow Wilson Middle School. After settling in, I was swept away from my IDS friends and forced into a different environment.
IDS friends, I thought of you often. At Woodrow, with every homophobic slur and piece of profanity thrown my way, I thought back to you and it brought me comfort. It was because of our memories that I was able to pull through in the end. Eventually, the students of WWMS, even the bullies, became my friends and accepted me.
WWMS friends, you helped me be strong. You showed me that I could let what others think of me slide off my shoulder. You also showed me that everyone deserved forgiveness, even bullies. With those lessons in mind, I was ready to continue on with you. So, imagine my surprise when my parents decided to move to a different town to start me at a different High School. Again, I felt the rug was pulled out from under me. I had to start from square one once more and it was a painful feeling. With the thick skin I gained from you, I was able to take on Rocky Hill High School, where I was a fish out of water.
This is where I have to skip around a little bit. After a year at Rocky Hill, I for once decided to leave. I boarded two buses, rented a car, and drove out to Colorado Springs, Colorado to attend Fountain Valley School. To say that my time there was one of the best times in my life would be an understatement. Within days, I found where I belonged, found a family in everyone I met.
Fountain Valley, you all taught me to truly love myself. All my quirks, habits, my flaws, even my own sexuality. You helped me realize that I was who I was and that was never going to change. For that, I am grateful.
Unfortunately, money issues forced me back into Rocky Hill High School after one year out west. The homesickness, I kid you not, was extraordinarily difficult to deal with for weeks. This leads me to my last group of friends: the friends from The Hill.
I haven't seen most of you since Graduation. There were a few I've seen meander around town after our first year of college, but I've long since accepted that we will never be together in one place ever again. In the three years we spent together, you all helped me establish myself as a person. You were the final spark that lit a small fire, one that kept me warm when it got cold and helped me light my way through the darkest of times. That is a debt I cannot repay.
I wanna say that you're wondering why I'm suddenly writing something like this. Why so out of the blue? The answer is simple; I need you to know how I feel and to help you realize that even though time has separated us, you are all still with me. In recent events, I realized that I took many of you for granted. With every goodbye, I went forward with the thought that we'd catch up eventually. But, as our lives got in the way, as unseen circumstances changed our worlds, I realize that the best thing I can do is light a spark with the fire you helped me build while keeping you in my heart.
No matter what happens, no matter what kind of dark tunnel you have to walk through, keep on going. See, since our lives began we've walked hand and hand, promising to never let go. Life, as we've all learned, doesn't work that way. It suffocates, it dampens, tramples, separates, and throws every possible obstacle at all of us. We become so focused on it, we forget about the hands we once held onto. I urge you to remember and let your feelings be known to those you love before it's too late.
The truth is, if anyone is equipped to brave it all, it's you.
You who, over a period of 8 years, collectively pulled me out of the dark and into a better place. It's my turn now and I want you to know that I am eternally grateful. No matter where life takes us, you're with me every step of the way as I am with you.
No matter how far apart we are, look up at the stars knowing I'm watching them too and I'll be that much closer to you.
Forever,
Philip-Perry Thomas Madison
