When I look at you, all I see is strength; a strength that is imprisoned inside a body that makes others believe you are weak. You have a laugh that can cause mountains to crumble and a light that radiates from your soul. You must know, the world will never shine as bright without you in it. Our friendship has never been easy. I have been guilty of spending too much time battling the fear of getting close to you. Why would I allow myself to become close to someone who I know is going to leave me? I can look back now and answer that question simply: Because a friendship like this, is one that changes you.
You have changed me. You have broken me. You have built me back up into something better. I know you are going to be taken from me, and I know it’s only a matter of time until the phone rings and my world shifts from its axis and never goes back to normal. If I’m being honest, despite the reality of the situation, I am terrified and in denial of what it truly means. I watch as your body continually works against you. You are at war with an illness that knows how to fight. My heart breaks and my breathing weakens each time we say goodbye, as goodbye no longer means “see you next time”, but instead “I’ll see you soon, wherever that may be.”
You have taught me what it means to love someone as if it were their last day. You have shown me what it means to be fully present when spending time with another. Our walls have been demolished and our bond has been unfaltering, causing my own selfishness to beg the Lord to keep you here longer. When someone you love is dying, you could have forever with them and it would still not be long enough. You could prepare for the phone call, yet still end up on your knees. You could say that last goodbye, but believe in your heart that they’ll be around next time. Nothing will prepare me. Nothing will cause me to accept it. But while I beg the Lord to keep you here, there’s a part of me that knows you were made for a place much greater than this. A heart like yours deserves to fly among angels.
So, I will love you through the pain, and as your body weakens, I will be there to strengthen you until the Lord decides to call you home. God has placed you in my life for reasons that have forever altered my way of living, and when the day comes, and the phone rings, I will know that the light that has gone dark in this world, is shining in a world much grander than ours.
