To all my former educators,
I want this to be an apology, a thank you, but also a teaching experience. I want to apologize for my past actions that have made you think less of me, I want to thank those of you who knew what I was struggling with and went the extra mile to help, but I also want to teach how to handle future students similar to myself. To help you understand, here's my story.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in the seventh grade. I, like others, hid the emotions I was feeling and refused to talk about it. I went without medicinal or therapeutic treatment for years, five to be exact. I was carried to my breaking point my junior year: I stopped eating, I stopped caring about my school work, I lost interest in all the things I loved, and I pushed people away. I genuinely didn't see a reason to keep living. I lived for years thinking I couldn't be depressed because nothing traumatic had happened to me; I didn't understand that it could just be genetic. I was then forced to tell my parents what I was going through. Being the loving, supportive parents they are, they helped me seek treatment. I began to go to therapy and take medication. Today, I'm working on my bachelors degree, and I haven't been happier.
Throughout my years in high school, I skipped a lot of days, missed numerous assignments, failed tests, took frequent bathroom breaks, and failed to participate in class to your standard. I would have good days, where I would excel. But then I would have bad days where I completely shut off. With that being said, I apologize for what seemed like complete carelessness. I would miss school day after school day, skip classes, and leave classes for extended periods of time without explanation. If I missed a school day, it means I wasn't able to get myself out of bed. When I skipped class or left a class, it meant I simply needed to get away for a little while to collect my thoughts and get my emotions in check. I, again, apologize for my carelessness, and for disrupting your class.
I want to thank the few of you that knew what I was going through. From allowing me to have breakdowns in your classroom, to cracking the cheesiest joke just to get me to smile, even the one who let me sit in her classroom even though I should have been in class. You all made it a little bit easier to get though the rough days. Your kindness has made all the difference and I will be forever grateful. Thank you.
The graciousness of those few was not found in everyone. A lot of you didn't play around. You got straight to the point, which could come from negative experiences with past students. Those struggling with mental illness usually don't come forth and say that they're struggling, especially to their educators. I want to ask those of you with a rugged exterior to simply be patient. There is a big difference between students who do well most of the time, while having bad days and students who consistently perform poorly. If you notice such patterns, ask the student, or refer them to a counselor. Doing something that simple could mean so much to one person.
I hope that this explained some things to all of you. I hope that you now understand my past behaviors. I hope that this will better you as an educator, when teaching students like myself. Thank you.
