Dear ex-best friend,

I don't know what I did wrong. If I did, maybe I would have some peace about this situation. All I know is that I loved you as much as a friend could love another friend, and now all I'm left with are these bittersweet memories.

You were there for me during my darkest hours, and I could always count on you if I needed a Sonic milkshake or a late night drive when the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I relied on you for new music to listen to, and I knew for a fact we'd be best friends until we were old and gray. I guess that's the thing about facts; they're only true when you wholeheartedly believe them.

I'm not going to lie; it's so hard to go through this stage of my life without you. I still have my boyfriend and other friends, but I always imagined going through the "firsts" of college with you by my side. Now, when I see you at college parties, it takes everything in me not to run and hide. It shouldn't be like that at all. I'm happy you seem happy with your new friends, but I can't help but be worried. I don't know if your friends are there for you when you need it most. I don't know if they know when to ground you. But most importantly, I don't know who you are anymore. I think that's what scares me the most.

Do you ever think back on all of the road trips, adventures and memories we made? Do you remember the way things used to be? What if you don't? What if I'm the only one of us who's left with this crippling feeling? I miss you, but I don't know how to fix it. I don't even know if there's a way to fix it.

I'm lost without you. Sometimes, I wonder if I did this or did that if we'd still be friends. It's just so hard for me to go day by day without talking to you. I told you everything about me (some things I couldn't even tell myself), and knowing we're strangers at best, now, is heartbreaking. Through it all, though, I want you to know this: This letter isn't about anyone else except you and I. I loved you dearly and kept a special place in my soul for you. If you ever decide you want to fill that gap again, the door's wide open, and it always will be.

Sincerely,

The girl who misses you (even though she doesn't want to)