Hey babe,
It's me. I know I haven't been around for quite a while. I'm sorry about that. I've been at school, struggling to get through my finals so I can get back home to you.
I'm sure you've been fine without me though. Mom sends me pics of you chillin' in my room sometimes, that's cool. You can go ahead and lay on my bed all you want. Does it smell like me or something? Omg do you miss me? Or has my continued absence just granted you with the opportunity to finally claim my room as your own territory? I mean if that's the case, that'd be fine too, but like I'm just going to keep telling myself that it's because you miss me.
So anyway, uh, whatcha been up to these days? I bet home is nice. Anywhere you are is probably super nice. You're so nice. More people should be like you. I've just got to say though, dude, I really miss you. There was a dog walking outside today and I thought I felt joy for a moment, but then my smile faded, as my heart reminded me that you probably don't think I exist right now.
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. I object. But ugh, Buckley, my Psychology professors literally talk about research that basically tells me that you don't love me the way I love you.
I don't know the extent to which mom has told you about why I have to leave you all the time. Does she tell you where I go? Or does she just let you sit there by the window and wonder? I want you to know because I don't want you to think I just disappeared or something and then start accepting my loss and moving on and claiming my items as your own and making new best friends and, ugh I don't know, just please don't forget that I exist.
Literally I would be lying to you if I said that last semester I didn't experience like a half crisis after learning one day in biopsychology class that your brain kinda sucks at the whole object permanence thing?? Wait like?? So when I leave do you just think that I'm gone forever?? Babe that breaks my heart. I can't think about that right now. I have to study. Ugh. (HahaHAhaAHAA I should be studying for my Psychology exam I am crying internally please come help).
I need you to know where I am. That is crucial. Long story short, I go to this place called a college, where a bunch of people (mostly my age) and I are required to take these huge tests in order to prove our worth as human beings in our individual fields of study. When we're not reading and writing all of the words, though, people here also drink a lot of that fluid you accidentally tried to drink off the floor that one time I dropped a handle in the kitchen, which you immediately regretted because it was definitely not water - AKA the only thing you're supposed to be drinking, ya big dumb dumb.
*sigh*
Memories like that make me smile through all the pain. I've been working especially hard these past few days. I feel like I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the study tunnel. Tomorrow is my last exam. When it's finished, I'll be on my way to cuddle the crap out of you. Are you excited? I hope you are. I need you to be. I can't deal with that kind of rejection right now. I really need your support here. I don't think I can make myself more clear about that.
I'm starting to run out of motivation. I've been avidly avoiding studying for tomorrow's exam for quite a bit now, if we're being completely honest here. Most of the time I just scroll through my friends' Snapchat stories, but recently I've had to stop doing that because it makes me sad. It's demoralizing to constantly be reminded of the fact that the majority of my friends are already finished with their finals, and thus get to be home with theirdogs while I'm stuck suffering here without you. It's utter malarkey. That's the best word I can think of to describe my feelings right now. I have so many feelings.
So naturally, I've been looking at a lot of our past selfies, because what else would I be doing at midnight before a final? Studying? or sleeping because I have to get up at 8 am?
Lol nawh. Like earlier today I was on hour 6 in the library and I caught myself scrolling through all the pics I've taken of you, including our selfies. We have so many selfies. It's times like this when I'm extra thankful for the plethora pics I've posted of you on my Instagram over the span of your 3 years of life.
Like how could I possibly be stressed over an exam when I have the ability to look back on those times when you were a just a lil' pupper!!
You were just like "dahhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Ugh, you just get me. I wish I could sleep on my books too. But I really need to study. I can't lose faith. I will get through this. In approximately 24 hours, I will be in your arms again. I will prevail, for you.
Goodnight, my moon and my stars. Wish me luck.
