I hope you're proud of me and I hope you're watching from above as I continue my journey in life. I just wish you were here with me on Earth, by my side.

It has been three years since you passed. Three long years of change, sadness, happiness, and every other emotion. I've been meaning to write something for you I just haven't had the guts or the strength to do so. Here I am, though, conquering my fears because I know you would want me to.

I haven't sat in the dining room chair that sits at the head of the table in three years. It doesn't feel right at all. I avoid it at all costs. I almost sat in it one day, without noticing, but caught myself mid-sit. It may be superstitious, not sitting there, but I do it as a sign that you're there and that it's still your seat, at your table.

A lot has changed since you left. A lot has also stayed the same. People have come and people have gone. Nothing is meant to go to plan, right? I always figured that was the case since that dreaded January day.

We had this inseparable bond built with one another. There were times growing up where I would put aside plans with friends because I knew that you didn't have to work late, or I'd always ask when you were working late just so you could pick me up and we could talk about our day. We always had quality conversations while eating cereal and ordering weed whackers at 3 a.m. in the morning. We were weird, we were different, but we were best friends. In the end, that's all that mattered.

Four years have passed since I last sat in section 121, row 19, seat 12 and 13 with you at Citizens Bank Park. I wonder if our favorite usher is still working summer nights there. You were able to make friends with everyone you came in contact with. Those were the nights, watching the Phillies beat every team that came into that stadium. Over the course of five years, we must have only seen them lose a handful of times while we were there. Man, talk about some good times. We would pig out on almost anything, but it was alright because it was free. I'll never forget all the times you would want to leave early because the Phillies were going to lose, but I always made you stay and in that magical year of 2008 they always came back. That year we made a trip to Broad Street to watch them celebrate the World Series win. I'll never forget it, you weren't one to let us miss school but you knew where the priorities were that day.

I was one of the lucky ones to have a dad with connections for post-season baseball games. Remember back in 2009 when I called Ryan Howard's stadium shaking 3-run homer? Standing room only never felt so good. Times have changed with the Phillies. You probably wouldn't recognize any of them nowadays. It's been a drastic decline that actually started after you passed away. I'd definitely have to make some scouting reports for you, or even print out the roster just so you knew who was on the team. I'll make my return to those seats one day. No one will ever compare to you when it comes to watching baseball, but I will go back and I will have you with me.

A lot of people have come and gone in my life since you passed. My core group is still here with me and it definitely makes it easier to go on with everyday living. You were always a fan of them and would always wonder why I'd never let them hang at our house. Trust me, it's probably good that I didn't! They were always thankful for your offers for rides home or rides out. They never took advantage, either. I've met so many new people over the past three years and it's amazing to find out that some knew you and the stories they were able to tell me, but what kills me the most is that the people that are coming into my life will never have the honor to meet you. I always talk about you to those who come and I'll never stop.

You always told me there were plenty of fish in the sea. I always laughed as a hard-headed teenager. Yet, you were right. Relationships ended and I've hurt people and people have hurt me. However, I just kept swimming, like Dory. You always told me to be kind, caring, and honest. Respect the girl for her personality, and never take advantage. I listened, sometimes I failed, but sometimes I succeeded. I went through a lot of failed attempts since you passed, but I never gave up. There is this girl now and I wish you could meet her, and I wish she could've met you. You'd be proud, she's a great girl. The kind you always told me to go after, I've never been one to take things slow, frankly because I was never taught how to. I've faltered and realized I sped too quick at times, but I also fell back down to earth and realize that patience is key. I fell for her eyes, Dad. Remember you told me to fall for them? They never age. They will always be the same color from the day you first see them. I told her how well you raised me when it came to girls and I haven't let her down yet and I don't plan to either. You never let Mom down. I'll never forget the way you treated her, like a Queen, the only woman in the world. Man, you really were smooth. You never used words, just action. You were a true model of how women should be treated.

I learned so much from you growing up, but I never thanked you. I know you would never accept my thank you, but it's still the thought that counts. I took advantage of you a lot, too. I never realized how good I had it when you were here. I'm sorry for all the holes I punched, all the times I was overly angry for no reason, and all the times I never said thank you. You raised me in your image, and you raised me to carry your name. I've grown up a lot in the past couple of years, but I definitely still have a long way to go, and much more to learn. I've realized all the bigger things in life like you always told me to do. I'm slowly beginning to realize that you lived a life of pure happiness. That doesn't mean you were never sad or upset, but you always found the silver lining, the brighter side.

There was a time where I hit the deepest, darkest period of my life, but I never cried. I didn't even cry at your funeral. I was stuck in a nightmare that I will never recover from. Constant replays of the past. I bottled everything up and was waiting for the moment to burst, but that moment never came. I felt like there was no tomorrow, that every day would be a repeat of pure hurt and sadness. I hit rock bottom, shunned off the world, and almost gave up everything I loved for good. Those were dark times, I hated the world and everyone in it. I'm always peppy and outgoing, remember? Man, was I different, but like you I also found the silver lining in life, and time moves on.

You had this unique ability to befriend everyone you came in contact with. There was never a place where you didn't know a soul. You bled for the notion of befriending people because you never knew when you might need someone. You didn't care about their past or where they've been. You saw the human being, not the single story you might've once heard. You accepted all and denied none. Whenever I run into someone who has had the privilege of knowing you, they never fail to tell me how you made a positive affect on them. It's truly one of a kind, you never failed to make a difference, and always found a solution to someone's problem.

I will always truly admire the courage you put forth for when times became tough. You were strong, you were a rock, but better yet, you always remained positive. Cancer is a deadly sickness, but in my mind you killed cancer. Cancer did not kill you. There is no such thing as being defeated by cancer when you put together the battle of your life. I know it was never your intention to leave us five behind, but like you said, you just were dealt a bad hand of cards....

I'm sorry I never visited you until this past Christmas Eve. I always tried, but I never succeeded. I never could grasp the fact you're gone, I never think I will. It will never feel real. I still watch the driveway at 5:30 p.m. every night to see if you're walking up after a hard day of work, but all I see are memories of what was. I know you'll always be by my side as I continue my journey of life. I try my hardest to resemble how you lived, but I will never be you. You were the ultimate man and the ultimate role model. Thank you for being my best friend, but more importantly, for being my Dad. No one will ever replace the bond we shared and the memories we made together.

There will always be days where I think of you constantly, and yes I do get sad, and I do reminisce on our memories, but I promise you, I will never give up on my dreams, my future, or on people. You give me the wings to fly every day, and I know you will always be my motivation, even when it gets tough.

Erin Hanson once said, "What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

PS: Our last conversation was about Chip Kelly the day he was hired. You said he wouldn't last, I argued, debated to no end, but again...you were right.