Early last week I received the news that my youngest brother was expecting a child.
Anthony was born in September of 1995, when I was 13 years old. He has always been a little kid to me, the baby of the family, the one who should be coddled and cared for. And now, almost 21 years after his birth, he will become a father.
I remember the day that Anthony came into our lives. My mother had been having irregular contractions for what felt like weeks. She would be waddling around the house when a surge of pain would hit her, causing her to stop in her tracks and grip onto the whatever was closest to her as she moaned through the pain. The day that she went into actual labor seemed different, almost calmer. My brother, sister, and I were sprawled out on my mother and stepfather's waterbed listening to my mother breath heavily as her contractions seemed to intensify. She had tasked each of us with a job - I held a timer and would reset it at after each contraction. Michael held the portable phone - waiting to contact the doctor once the timer dipped below five minutes. Jennifer, the baby of the bunch, fetched ice on demand.
As the contractions continued to intensify, my mother would slip into another state of consciousness as the pain took over her body. She would grab the wood frame of the waterbed so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "How many minutes?" she would ask through deep breaths. I reluctantly replied, "six minutes". Each contraction became more intense and finally after several hours of watching the contractions get closer and closer together they finally hit the five-minute mark. My mother jumped off the waterbed, grabbed her hospital bag, and with a smile and wave she was out the door.
Early the next morning, Anthony Michael was born. He weighed six pounds and eleven ounces and had a full head of hair. He was now the baby of the family and it would remain that way for eight years... until the day that I had a baby.
Anthony is about to turn twenty-one years old, the same age that I was when I had my daughter, Jade. I know that Anthony is an adult but I have such a hard time seeing him as anything more than the tiny little baby that came into my life 21 years ago.
Having a kid is a complicated journey filled with emotional highs and lows but in the end, it will be one of the most rewarding adventures you will ever be on.
Before your journey begins, I have some advice to share with you - my baby brother.
The life you now know is over. Don't see this is a bad thing.
One day you will look back on your life as it is now and you won't recognize yourself. Embrace these changes. They're going to happen whether you want them to or not. This new journey will bring you new joys, different joys. You will remember these years fondly but they will be behind you. This isn't about losing yourself. It's about finding a different you.
You're young but that doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter what age you are when you have a kid - you will never be ready. There will always be something you still want to do. A lot of people say that they can't have kids because they haven't traveled enough, made enough money, found enough success... but a truly successful person will always be on the hunt for these things.
Being a good parent has very little to do with money, personal experiences, or age. Someone who has seen more of the world than you is not better than you, they are simply someone who has traveled. Don't be jealous of their freedoms, your time will come. You are on a different journey than they are. Neither one is better than the other, they are simply different. Enjoy your journey.
Do what feels right to you and forget everyone else.
Every single person that you know wants to share parenting advice with you. Some advice will be solicited but often times, it will be unwanted. Follow your heart. You know what is best for your family.
Make time for you and your relationship.
This will be the most time trying in your life. A new baby is both a joy and burden. Make time to nurture your relationship. Hug your girlfriend, love her, kiss her, tell her she is beautiful and try to spend time alone with her. Accept help when it is offered. You won't regret accepting help.
It is okay. Honestly, everything is okay.
It is okay to cry, it is okay to be scared, all of it is okay. Cry when you need to, sleep when you need to, and take a deep breath when you need to.
I am here for you. Just ask.
I love you. No matter what happens, I am here for you. I know you will be scared and that you will wonder why you put yourself in this position. If you are feeling hopeless or scared or lost... pick up your phone and call me. I will listen.
I love you, baby brother and I love my new niece or nephew. I look forward to watching them grow up, just as I have watched you.
