You are broken, my friend. You are so hurt. I hate seeing you this way so much, but I understand. I have been there before. You are with someone for so long because you cannot imagine life without them. You truly love them. You can't bear to do life without them. The pain of being with them was so much better than the pain of being without.
But you see the thing is, my friend, it will get better. You lose this person and you will gain someone who will never put you in this situation again. You will not have to feel this same pain with them, and you will not feel like you are fighting against the world. This person will never leave you alone. They will fight for you and make you feel worth it. God has a plan for you. One better than anything you could ever imagine.
This guy who broke you didn't deserve you. You deserve a guy who brings you up. Not one who tears you down. You deserve someone who will love you for all your perfect imperfections. Because everything about you is perfect, no matter what anyone says.
But be sad, it is okay. But do not let the sad times you are having make you forget the happiness you used to feel. Rember the happy times and learn from the bad. Take what you love about him and look for it in a man. But until you find that man, do not settle on anyone less than what you deserve. And please do not move on until you are ready.
I promise this is only temporary. Right now it feels like it is forever, but it really isn't. One day you will wake up and you will be able to breathe again. One day you will wake up and he won't be the first thing to cross your mind. Until then, my friend, it is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry, but what isn't okay is giving up. Giving up is never the correct option.
You have every right to tell him exactly how you feel.Tell him how he is not worth your time anymore. Tell him that he never gets to break your heart again. Tell him that you do hope he finds love because I know no matter how much you want to hate him you still truly do love him and want what is best for him. His happiness should ultimately inspire you to be happy.
I love you. my friend.
"Dear God,
If today I lose my hope, please remind me that Your plans are better than my dreams.
-Your Faithful Servant."