Dear Absentee Father,
It's been a few years since we have even spoken, even more since we have seen each other. You left at a crucial time in my life and I haven't quite developed the way most do because of it. Most of the time I manage to be okay with the fact you are not apart of my life but every once in awhile there are moments I wish you could be apart of. I've always wanted to tell you how I've felt but never had the heart to, so this is me, pouring my heart out in hopes you come across it one day.
First and foremost, know that I have struggled between anger and acceptance of the situation we are in, but I've come to the conclusion that I needn't linger on the past and all I want is peace and happiness for each of us . That being said I hope you are enjoying your life and you are happy. I hope your new wife and daughter fill your life with joy, and I hope you have finally found what you want in life. I can only assume you left because you weren't happy, which is fine, you did what you needed to do to create a better life for yourself. But what about the happiness of the children you left behind?
Understanding the situation you put us in was difficult for us to understand at such a young age but the older I got the more I realized you needed to leave to save us from the path of misery between both you and my mother, which is self-less in a sense. However moving 800 miles away and leaving us alone completely did more harm than good. You weren't ever there to attend prom, homecoming, games, concerts, birthdays, nothing. Aside from important events, we never had you for the little things, we couldn't run to you if we were hurt, struggling with boy issues, needed help with homework, watch a movie together, etc.
I cannot tell you many times I was in the middle an exciting, big moment and it be completely drained for a short second simply because all I wanted was for you to be apart of that moment. Fortunately I had my amazing mother to be apart of my life through the times you were not there. So instead of anger, sorrow fills my heart for you because you missed those amazing mile stones. Here's the thing, it's not too late to come back for the hundreds of other mile stones in my life. I want you to be here when I graduate college, and when I get my first real job. When I am walking down the aisle I want to look by my side and see you there. When I have my first child I want her grandfather to take her camping and spoil her.
There is damage, yes, but I am overcoming it, patching myself up, forgiving, and moving on. Again I hope life is treating you well, and I hope one day soon we can talk and slowly become apart of each other's lives. If the past is stopping you from reaching out, forgive yourself and others, take a deep breath and just do it. Life is too short to not love one another, especially if you are family.
With all of my heart,
Your daughter.
