As I scroll through Facebook and Instagram, I can't help but be in awe about how it seems every single college student endorses their experience like their school is paying them to do so. According to these posts, college is frat parties and football games and freedom. I'm convinced that posts like these attract more students than any outreach efforts by college admissions. In the beginning of college, it was posts like these that made me feel stressed, desperate, and like I was the only one not having the time of my life. Now, my perspective is a little different...

I had a flashback to myself a year ago, as a senior in high school, scrolling through posts of my college-aged friends and getting incredibly jealous. I remember my friends and I would complain about high school and hypothesize how promising our lives will be when we depart for college.

I dreamt of the time when I would be able to wear high heels out, post pictures with cute boys that nobody from home knew, and make billions of new friends. I lusted to be a part of something so much bigger than my little midwestern town. This led me to spend basically the entirety of my junior and senior year focused on college. It's actually scary to think about the amount of time I spent researching schools, majors, scholarships, and every little detail in between. I visited at least 10 schools in four different states and applied to at least 50 scholarships. It's not to say that I didn't enjoy my senior year, but man, I could have enjoyed much more had I not been busy building these preposterous expectations for my future.

But now I sit here, in Hayden library at 10pm on a Friday night. I sit here on the college side of the dichotomy and laugh about how much high-school me craved the position I'm in now.

After being in college for about two months now, I'll be the first to admit that these happy-go-lucky posts are not accurate depictions of my experience so far and I think this realization is important to expose so that high schoolers, or anyone for that matter, don't draw conclusions or build expectations about college via social media.

The truth is that college is hard. It's hard for me. The independent, self-motivated, passionate go-getter. The girl that everyone said "would thrive" and "would have no problems." The girl that wanted to be in college since her freshman year of high school.

College is a lot. It's lots of stress and lots of coffee and lots of big kid decisions. It's lots of homework and lots of doubts and, let's not forget, lots and lots of money.

Social media has showed me that college is also a lot of pretending that everything's just dandy and meeting your expectations when it's really not.

By the end of my first month of college, the excitement of new friends and warm weather had drowned in stress and anxiety. Despite the image that my Instagram probably portrayed, in the first month of school, I spent more time in the math tutor center than I did at any party and I spent more time doubting what I was doing than feeling confident about it. I felt pressured to get involved, to stand out, to get a job, to get an internship, to talk to professors, to look good, to get good grades, to go to church, to make friends, to party, to not mess up.

I felt like I'd lost what it meant to be true to myself and found myself falling into things that I knew contradicted my beliefs. I threw lessons I learned and grew from so much in high school - like how I didn't want to be valued for what I looked like - out of the window. In this new, huge world of strangers and anonymity, I was desperate for some kind of validation. I think I subconsciously was desperate to feel valued, respected, and admired by everyone because I had grown so used to that to at home. Despite my self-acceptance and integrity, which I thought was unbreakable going into college, I quickly got caught up in the arbitrary world of other's approval.

So high schoolers, listen up - let this post give you a taste of what I know a lot of people honestly feel about college, but that no one wants to admit. After all, it would sure be A LOT of wasted money, stress, and work to be unhappy, right?

Let's take off the filters and likes and be honest: While college is great and new and exciting, it doesn't guarantee joy - no matter where you are. For me, it's taken two months to realize that college is a journey of re-learning things I already knew to be true. I refuse to sugar-coat my experience and act like all high schoolers should praise this life because I now see how detrimental lofty expectations of college can be.

Don't get me wrong, I've had so many great times, but they don't alleviate the struggle that adapting was when I realized that "fulfillment" wasn't included in my tuition and fees, even at my dream school. Thankfully, I woke up and realized that I don’t have to act like everything is perfect...and you don't have to either! I'm now filled with gratitude that I got to have these revelations just two months into college. At the same time, I'm now aware that the road ahead of me is going to have its bumps. More significant than anything I've learned in class is how important it is - both for myself and for people like you - to be honest, open, and accepting of those bumps.

I didn't write this to discourage you from going to college or to complain about my experience. My goal is to show you that all that glitters isn't always gold and that often times, behind hundreds of likes and favorites and shares is even more doubt, anxiety, and stress.

So, I beg you - don't spend high school wanting to be in college and don't waste your life comparing it to others, especially through social media.

I pray that my advice and stories might make your transition go a little better than mine did, but then again, it might not. And guess what? That's perfectly okay too.