Dear ED,
We met in the fall of 2012 and since then you have never left my side, ever. You first came into my life during the beginning of my final cross country season. I had survived the grueling summer training and I was in, what I felt to be, the best shape of my life. I wanted to end my high school running career with a bang and at that moment in time it felt like I truly could, but I should have known better because nothing ever comes that easy. There are always situations and road blocks that appear that are out of your control.
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For me that road block was a lower back injury that took me out of training for two whole weeks. To some that may seem like nothing, but to a runner those are the longest most mentally and physically draining weeks of your life. I lost everything that I had worked so hard to achieve. I basically had to start from the ground up once again and that is where you came in, ED. You were present and understood what I was going through. You guided me through that never ending season and we formed a bond that would never be broken.
At the time I enjoyed and was grateful for our time together but it has been almost four years to the day and you are suffocating me. You are like a ticking time bomb that could destroy everything in its path at any point in time including me. I entered college hoping to make new friends, hoping to experience new things, and hoping to finally get away from you. During my first week it seemed like everything that I had hoped for was coming true, but that freedom was short lived. You showed up at my door the next day unannounced and uninvited and made yourself right at home. Those new friends I had made would never be seen again, those experiences were a one-time thing, and it was all because of you. You are the worst kind of peer pressure. When I was trying to study you would distract me. When I wanted to go out you would make me feel useless and unwanted so I would stay in. I spent many nights and many days cooped up in my room feeling guilty about not being able to stand up to you.
Running was my only escape and the only way I could find to stand up to you. It allowed me to clear my head and I knew that you could never catch me. After a run I felt tired and accomplished but also hopeful that I would be able to fend you off for a couple of days or even a couple of hours. After a run you were absent for a day or two but you would always return with vengeance. Once I had a taste of freedom I would force myself to run when I was tired, hungry, and even in pain just so I could be free from you for a couple of days.
I have been so focused on getting rid of you that what were supposed to be the greatest years of my life have actually come to be some of the worst. You demand so much of me that I have no energy or will left to do other things. I have missed so much of what college is supposed to be about and I will never forgive you for that. I will never understand why you chose me or why you won't leave, but I'm going to make it my mission to not miss out on anything else on account of you.
Goodbye Forever,
-M
