I've been conflicted, much like much of the United States this week. I've been told to keep quite, so I've tried not to say much. But, when I do say something in the political realm I always offend someone. Which is ironic. A college student offending someone older who keeps posting that college students are thinned skinned? Not possible right. I probably just offended someone right there. I apologize if I did. I just am curious as to how we got to this double standard. I think it's funny that we call each other names for each other's political views. When we don't even know what that person is going through currently.
Don't get me wrong I'm just as guilty about this. I'll be the first to admit my brokenness, trust me. If you pushed me down and started kicking me I might just join you. That's just my own insecurities that I deal with every day. I don't think most people know about them, and I'm not telling you this for you to pity me. I'm telling you this to try and open your eyes. That people struggle with personal demons that we have no idea about. When we take up the keyboard warriors sword, and try to change someone's mind. Your inciting violence behind their eyes. Now, that I have said this though. I'm guilty of this as well.
I've been conflicted on to write this or not. I don't want to offend anyone, but I also don't want to be kept quite. I feel sort of like Timothy writing to Paul in the bible. Feels like everyone older wants to keep me from saying anything. But, I also said something offensive on Facebook the other day that I deeply regret. I looped in a lot of people to having the same general idea out of anger. Well I don't really believe that, I just wanted to hurt the person I was writing to. To let them know I had been hurt. This didn't go over well as I tried later to call for peace. When I incited anger in others earlier. I felt deep sorrow and apologized publicly on Facebook to any I offended. If I'm to be honest this hurt though as well. Making me even more conflicted. Doing this as I watched every family member and friend like this to know that I offended them. Everyone who liked it all had the same views: "yea you messed up."
I felt like a scapegoat to everyone's anger. But, something changed in me after I started thinking more about Paul's letter to Timothy. In 1 Timothy Paul is talking to Timothy about how he use to be (In the message) "Public Sinner Number One." People who are on the edge of trusting God, will look to him as someone who went from a terrible person, to someone who can now do enough to change others. I've been on the edge of trusting God as long as I can remember. I'm still public sinner number one. I will tell everyone this as Paul has. This for some reason quelled my anger about having to apologize.
I am a sinner. I mess up a lot. Why should I lie about that? Maybe, if we all were more introspective and realize that we mess up just as much as anyone else. Maybe then there would actually be unity today. In a sort of contradiction, what if we admitted to being fractured beings internally. Maybe we'd be able to find the missing puzzle pieces to our society. What if we all took a second to realize we are as broken as the next guy/girl. Would we be able to hear each other then? Would the voices in our brain quit telling us we're right for two seconds. To hear that the person on the other side of the argument is just as broken as me.
Maybe, there is more unity in brokenness than we think. After all it's kept a church together for thousands of years.
