I found my seventh grade diary a few weeks ago. Locked in its pages was a scared, little voice unsure of a bright future. As I skimmed through my memories, I thought about what I would’ve liked to hear during that confusing time.
Dear 13-year-old me,
Welcome to the teenage years! Take a deep breath and repeat after me: “I can accomplish anything”. Good.
Put that blended coffee concoction down. You don’t need it now. Wait at least two more years and then it’ll actually be useful.
Please, oh please, break up with your boyfriend before he goes on vacation outside the country. You’ll end up doing it over AIM (AOL Instant Messenger was cool before Facebook, okay?) and awkwardly staring at the screen as you block him.
While we’re on the topic of AIM I should encourage you to start thinking of a different screen name now. You can’t be “neopetkid11” forever.
Never stop writing. No matter how many times your parents say you’re going to be a nurse or a doctor, it isn’t going to happen. You can already feel you’re going to be a writer. Trust your gut. Keep journaling and trying out other hobbies. Yeah, you suck at piano, but you’ll pick up the guitar just like your grandfather soon enough. Don’t worry about putting all of your passion into one interest. With a mind like yours, it’s good to switch it up every now and then so you don’t get bored.
You’ll figure out why some of those “jokes” your classmates tell make you uncomfortable. They’re racist, sexist, and immature. You don’t exactly know why but you know they’re wrong. You don’t have to pretend to laugh but I understand why you did. Fitting in a group sometimes calls for sacrifice. It’s going to suck, but you’ll learn to stop laughing and start educating.
I know you’re dreaming about graduating next year with friends you’ve known since you were four. Bad news will come your way before spring break: You’re moving to a different state in the summer. Get ready to switch the plaid uniform for a plain grey skirt and a black sweater. Don’t worry. Your friends won’t forget about you. Well, most of them will, and that’s okay. Just enjoy the rest of seventh grade.
Around this time, you’re going to feel sadness creep into your heart. It will slowly grow into a heavier ache. As you dread leaving your friends and childhood behind in Texas, please know you can talk to your best friends about it. They will listen. Most of all, they will understand if you don’t want to talk. You know when silence is most comforting for you. You’re about to enter a new home, a new school, and a new chapter. It’s a lot to process before you’ve even packed the first box, and I know you’re scared. Concentrating on school will be tough when you’re having an internal breakdown every other day. That’s okay.
Your feelings are completely valid and no one can take that away from you. All the tears and breakdowns are just as important as all the laughs and smiles. You are feeling and growing into a stronger person each day. Whenever you start to feel small and lost, take a deep breath. Take another. Keep going. You have the strength to be vulnerable. Use that to explore who want to be. It’ll come in handy.
You’re going to learn so much about yourself over the next nine years, and this is barely the beginning. You’ll meet new friends, overcome countless struggles, and love your new home. The air is so much cleaner in Washington and the trees stay green. Dark days are coming but I can tell you now they won’t last forever. I don’t want to spoil anything, but you’re going to be happier and feel so significant. It’s all thanks to you.
You matter. You are enough. Now go take on the world.
Love,
Your 22-year-old self
