Right now your world seems like it is collapsing. Your chest feels as if it is caving in and your shoulders are burning from weight three times your frame. Every day is a feat, every day feels like the last, every day feels like your last. It gets better. Right now those words might be of no assurance and truly might not be the kind of relief from your despair that you are seeking but my love hold on . Right now nothing is going well and every breath you take feels like a marathon with no end in sight. Keep breathing. Right now your youth is buckling under the pressure of mature disparity but I promise you it gets better. Right now you don't know Allah, you don’t understand a larger force outside of your mother and whose fault that is and it doesn't even matter. Pray, perpetually. When you want to, when you don't want to, when you need to , when you feel as if you don't need to and especially when you feel it isn't working. You will repeat a grade, and it will be the best failure you’ve ever accomplished because the growth that will ensue will be necessary. Right now you don't have a word for it and you can’t explain it but it’s depression. Right now your Mother might seem like the root of all of it but forgive her, It was her depression. Things don’t get easier between the two of you for a long time but when you find God you will find peace in that.

Right now you hate your skin, I'm smirking as I type this but now you love it. Imagine that eh? You finally love the one thing you have always been taught to hate. Who would’ve thought? Right now you think you want to be a musician, scrap the thought because soon you'll be 20 and you don't know what you want to do but you know exactly the kind of person you want to be. Most importantly be a better big sister. Because if you don't you’ll rob yourself of having a lifelong best friend. I know you're hurt, I know it’s complicated but don't hurt her in the process of coping with your circumstances. She deserves a good big sister, and you deserve a best friend. When you are wrong, tell her sorry. When she wants to cuddle with you, let her. When she cries, wipe her tears. When she makes you angry, let it go. When you are hurt, control yourself. When it seems like you’re the unloved one understand that she loves you more than she loves anyone else. Fix yourself, but don't break her. Talk to her about your problems even though she may be too young to understand. Don’t be ugly because you feel that way, Don't be toxic because that is all you know. Because one day that won’t be an excuse and it will be too late to start over. Learn how to deal with life. It comes at you fast and it’s unrelenting. You will have many more times of despair but when i tell you to stay rooted in your Iman, I mean it. Nothing else will matter more or guide you through tough times more.

“Miscellaneous: That guy you fall in love with freshmen year? Let it go lol. Believe me when I tell you there are better fish

You will lose almost all of your high school friendships minus 3 (I won’t tell you which ones). You will gain many more first year of college just wait.

Chill out with the food, you gain 50 pounds and it ain’t cute ma.

GO NATURAL SOONER.

Excercise regularly and don't forget to read. You love books, you love to read, remember that pls.

Always keep your pen writing never stop writing you are a creative remember that.

Love yourself starting now, self-love comes along later but the sooner the better.

Lastly, breathe...pray...and keep marching on.

I love you.