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A Letter To My 30-Year-Old Self

Does Dunkin' Donuts deliver?

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A Letter To My 30-Year-Old Self
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Dear 30-year-old me,

You are old. Like, yikes, you’ve reached your third decade on Earth and that’s a scary thought. Do we have invisibility cloaks yet? Are cars completely self-operated? Do we even have cars or do we just teleport everywhere? Anyway, a new decade in life also means 10 years will have passed between now and then, and I have hopes and dreams that we — I mean you. I mean, I? — need to accomplish.

Firstly, I do hope you’re almost done with school or will be finishing up soon. If you do end up following that dream in medicine — and we all know 10 years is a long time to change your mind — then good for you. I guess what I would advise is not to give up. If you’ve successfully reached the age of 30 and are still pursuing that dream, don’t give up now because you’re so close. Trust me, I know it’s a struggle. Organic chemistry was hard enough and that was just undergrad. Just don’t give up, OK?

Secondly, do you have a cool place of your own? I really hope you do because you’re way too old to not have a tricked out house or something like that. I think white marble countertops would look great with some hardwood floors, but do whatever you want.

Thirdly, you’ve got to have a dog. I know right now I’m trying to decide between a black lab or a husky, but I hope we’ve made up our minds in this 10-year gap and we have a cute puppy that doesn’t ruin those great hardwood floors.

Fourth item of business is music tastes. Have they changed since college? I was thinking earlier today about how much my taste in music has changed since I was in middle school or even high school. As fun as it was to jam to Bieber’s “One Time” in the middle school gym with all of my homies from the eighth grade, I needed to move to bigger and better things. I hope you have too.

Our fifth topic is greatly concerning. Did Donald Trump win? I pray that your answer is no. If it’s yes, are we still a country? Or have states seceded and riots overthrown the White House? Were you in the riots? Did you move to Canada?

Another question, the sixth, to be exact, is there a cure to Alzheimer’s? I wanted to keep this light and funny, but I can’t write a time-capsule letter to myself without the most important question. If there is not a cure, why haven’t you found it yet? Get back in the lab.

Next topic of conversation concerns your pals. Has anyone gotten married yet? If so, how were the weddings? Remember that the score is based half on the food options and half on the music playlist, so judge carefully. Side note, we both know that we — you — are still doing your own thing because we don’t believe in being tied down. Am I right?

My eighth query is about your current lifestyle. Where are you living? I guess it would be related to whatever you’re doing for school or work, but I really hope we got to live in California or New York City at some point. Are you eating well? Your 20-year-old self had a cupcake and pizza for dinner tonight, so I do hope our habits have changed. Maybe we like kale now? Still a no to the kale? Do we do sit-ups or is that still a no as well?

My ninth question, as I envision my own eye-roll reading this in 10 years, is have you found a suitable fellow human being to let into your life? Whoever they are, whatever they do, whatever they look like, I hope they are deserving of you and your time. I hope that you guys go to the zoo or the beach or weird road trips to the Norman Rockwell Museum in the Berkshires and simply enjoy life together. That’s really the whole point of letting somebody into your small circle of trust and real, ugly laughing that makes you have three chins.

My tenth and final question is, are you happy? Do you look back on the last 30 years of your life and think that you’re proud of who you are and what you’ve become? Is everything how you want it to be, and do you go to bed every night content with how you spent the 86,400 seconds given to you that day? If you do, then I am so happy for the both of us because that’s hard to come by and nothing in life is perfect. If your answer to any of those questions is no, however, then do not be discouraged. Like I said, nothing is perfect. We both know that you love the little things and sometimes it doesn’t take much to make your day. If things aren’t generally making you happy, then stop doing those things. Re-focus on the things that do make you happy, like going to the beach or looking at the stars or watching the “Harry Potter” movies for the trillionth time. Thirty years is a long time to be “almost happy” or not quite there yet, so do what you want and get the most out of life because no one else can do it for you. I hope we’ve made it, in all sense of the phrase, and I hope we’ve made peace with the past, moved forward with a sense of pride and a good ol' smile.

Lastly, did anyone invent some system like when you clap and the lights turn on or off, but for food? Like, can you clap and a Chipotle burrito is in your lap?

Adios amiga,

Your 20-year-old self

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