Dear Buzz Kills,

I grew up lighting fireworks off. I know they are dangerous. I have a burn on my knee from a firework punk and speckled burn marks on my arm because I threw a firework into the air too late. I know they are dangerous, but I also know that these injuries are my fault. So, why did you have to go and get fireworks banned?

I’m not some hick making sparkler bombs and trying to get a nice overview of the action by standing directly over the flaming mess. I’m not a fool. Just a citizen who loved the joy of going to firework stands and spending too much money on things that blow up! But now what am I supposed to do with my July 1 paycheck? Buy groceries? Good one.

I mean seriously, don’t you remember the good ole days? When firework stands lined the streets and grocery store parking lots? We could buy $300 worth and be home in five minutes to light them off. What a waste of money but what a joy it brought!

And now, that is all gone. Thanks to you.

I just want to thank you guys for either being the prudes that you are, or the fools that you are, because surely it was either of those two types of people that got fireworks banned. I know it wasn’t citizens who were genuinely concerned for people’s health and safety so I’m convinced: The banners, if you will, were either the cranky neighbors who wanted to sleep at 6 p.m. sharp, or the crazy neighbors that make their own “fireworks” each year and light them off in the densely wooded, extremely dry forest right behind your house.

Like really? Common sense. And common courtesy. And what about freedom people?! It’s the Fourth of July, for Pete’s sake.

So really, thanks you little Grinches who stole the Fourth of July. Because the Fourth of July is like, soooo fun without fireworks. And people are just going to light them anyway (me) if they really want to, so it’s really not keeping everyone safe after all. So ha!

All-in-all, I am 21 years--way too old to be lighting sparklers and using pop-its. It’s the Fourth of July! Our day of Independence! And we should be allowed to celebrate in the most American way possible--big and loud and with lots of fire.

Please get me us our fireworks back.

Love and resentment,

Claire