Life changes too fast sometimes, and we forget who we are, where we're from or even what our goal is in life. I'll admit, I've been there and at times I still feel like I am. The feeling of being numb, senseless and being unsure creates a pit in your stomach that seems never ending. The feeling of being numb, senseless, and being unsure makes your heart pound so hard that it hurts. The feeling of being numb, senseless and being unsure are the main emotions that it feels like when you're lost.
When I had finally moved away from home and entered college, I felt like I was on top of the world. Little did I know that it would last a few months. While the transition was life changing, literally-moving the life I'd ever known 9 hours North, I thought that'd I knew who I was and wouldn't let anything shake me. I was wrong. I had explored the 'typical' college life by going out to class, going out to parties, meeting new friends and having a job that I loved. But somewhere, in my soul I felt that something was wrong. I wasn't the girl who would go to parties when I was in high school, and even though I did go to class while I was away, I wasn't the one in high school who would neglect studying outside of class. It took me a short time to realize that I wasn't happy where I was and more importantly, I didn't know who I was. I knew I needed to change something, so I did what I needed to do. I went to the only place that I had called home.
By leaving my college and going home, I realized something; I realized that I had lost myself along the way of trying to find myself. Sure, I thought I knew who I was before, but how did I let myself loose myself? I ask myself this everyday. Still. After coming home, I had enrolled in online courses through my college and got back on track on what mattered: myself. I learned that, I need to value myself so I don't loose who I am. Yet, I still haven't mastered that idea but I'm getting there. Everyday is a work and progress.
One day as I was talking to an ex of mine, who is still someone I consider my best friend, told me that I needed to learn how to love myself. I immediately started tearing up when he told me this. Only because I knew he was right and it was the first step I needed to take in order to value myself which in the end would allow me to find myself. I don't know if he realizes how much I needed him to say that, but I'm lucky that he did. With loving yourself, you learn to value yourself based on what you need. By valuing yourself, you know what you need, who you are and how you want to live your life.
I know that life changes quickly and things change but it's okay to loose yourself because you will find yourself- trust me. The feeling of being numb, senseless, and being unsure is normal but it will get better. You will find yourself, and you'll learn a lot in the process. I'll tell you that I haven't found myself yet, but I've learned a lot already and I will find myself. And so will you.
