Dear ladies,
Being mature for my age and having goals I strive for seems to radiate intimidation amongst others in our generation. A lot of people don’t understand why an 18-year-old girl is planning her life towards earning a Ph.D., when there are, quote, “so many more fun things a young college girl like yourself could be doing." When I explain my career aspirations to someone, whether it’s family, friends or a stranger, the response is always, “Wow, you’re really mature for your age.”
So ladies who can relate, this letter is to you. We were the little girls who played "house" and "teacher." We are the women who skipped the party phase and we are the women who wanted to be dentists and veterinarians by second grade. We got stressful food service and retail jobs to save money early. We are the women who know we are in college to earn a degree, not a seat in the local sorority. I know it is difficult to fit in with our age groups and more often than not, I befriended teachers, professors or older students instead.
I also know something we deeply struggle with are relationships. It seems as though my family would always secretly judge me whenever I brought home a guy two to three years older than me. Especially when they asked me, “What happened to so and so?” and I had to explain that he vanished mysteriously, assumingly because we just didn’t fit. I always thought I was doing something wrong, but even at that age difference, there were mental blocks between a young intellectual female like me and average, but older males like them. I want you to know, it’s okay and it’s not your fault that men don’t have the capacity to handle your brilliance. Men are going to flash in and out of your lives for a while. Some might start off intrigued by your strong and independent personality. Some might become intimidated because of those same reasons and run off. The constant struggle here is that men are both attracted and repelled by confidence and knowledge. But I promise you, you’ll find a mentally compatible love interest some day soon.
What you need to know is that it is not a bad thing to be “mature for your age" and it’s not a bad thing to say no to parties and yes to an extra study session. It’s more than okay to strive for a successful future. A lot of people think that because we are mature, self-motivated, and studious that we are unable to have fun. But that’s another thing our fellow age-sharing peers don’t understand. Your hobbies likely vary from mine, but what sets mature women apart from the average population is that we have hobbies, we have things that keep us busy. We still have fun and we still have friends (I gotta say, sometimes I’m the goofiest bonehead in my friend group). People like you and me just make memories in a different way than others. We paint and write, we create and read, make adventures and push ourselves. While some of us might not care about looks, boys and drama as much as other mature girls still might, one thing we all know is that nothing is more important than our success, vision, and future. You are not buzzkills or boring for focusing on a life where you will have a nice job and comfortable amounts of money.
The interesting thing about acting older than you look is that you can become this way no matter how old you are or what point in life you're at. If you’re sitting there reading this, thinking, “damn, I should probably focus on my classes more,” or “how do I reach goals I don’t have yet,” you can change that! And to my girls who are reading this relating to almost every word I say, we need to empower women who are unsure of themselves. Use your confidence, strength and determination to inspire other girls into becoming mature too. I used to think I was a freak whenever someone would say “You’re 15? I thought you were a senior!”, “You seem older than that.” or “You’re 21, right," but it is a compliment. Whether it’s intended to be or not, that’s how we need to take it because a woman with a good head on her shoulders is a woman that can reach prosperity.
My closing statement will be brief, as I know my sophisticated ladies have to get back to your jobs, hobbies or checklists.
No one in the world can tell you how to live your life but yourself. No one else can be you or understand you or change you. That is all up to you. Keep pushing yourself and working your ass off now. You’ll be feeling the rewards of it in the future. It’s all about self-love.
