step·moth·er

ˈstepˌməT͟Hər

noun

1. a woman who is married to one's father after the divorce of one's parents or the death of one's mother.

Dear stepmothers all around the world: this might be how some people define you, but to me, you are worth more than just 20 words.

You might have struggled to be accepted into your new family. It's difficult to create strong bonds with people you were only just introduced to. Biological parents will automatically create a relationship with their children upon birth, and you were never given that advantageous privilege. Some family members may have welcomed you with open arms, but with that comes resistance. Thank you for powering through the uphill battle to forge loving relationships with your new children and their families.

You might have gotten a little lost in getting acclimated to being part of a brand new family. You have names to memorize, old stories with which to familiarize yourself, and customs and traditions to know by heart. On top of that, you have to introduce yourself over and over and over again, and explain your entire identity to hordes of new people that may not be so kind to you. Thank you for enduring the long, difficult process of adapting to a new place.

You might have felt a little out of place. Whether you grew up with your new partner or if you are from a different country, joining an entirely new household can be somewhat of a culture shock. It can be hard to remember how your new family handles itself, and it can be even harder to drop some habits you've had your whole life. You may have even had to move to a different house, or a different state altogether. Thank you for continuing to combat the difficulties you face.

You might have felt like you had no one to talk to. There are lots of mom friend groups out there, but where all the other stepmoms? It's challenging to have all these clashes and no one to vent to about them, making you feel lonely. It's just not the same to talk to moms who don't have stepchildren, and your partner may not be able to truly relate to your struggles. Thank you for your endeavors, against all odds.

You might have felt like you are not as good as your stepchildren's mother. While you aren't a replacement, you are not less valuable than their biological mother; you are just as valuable in a different way. You provide unconditional and unmatched love, support, and friendship to your stepchildren. Thank you for being your own person and giving your all to your stepchildren. They appreciate it more than you know.

Dedicated to Gayle Connatser, my own stepmom