Dear You,

I've been trying to write this letter for a month, but every time I think about you, I get lost in thought. I lose track of time and my brain turns into a pile of mush and my heart stops working. But, after a month of getting distracted, I've put on "If I Tremble" by Front Porch Step and I was able to focus on this letter to you. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and my heart breaking. I want you to know that even though I know I'm not supposed to, I love you.

I've known you for years. Seven years to be exact. But, I've only spent the last 6 months being in love with you. Six months ago, we talked for the first time in seven years. Talking to you that day was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing that it was going to be my favorite.

You had my heart before I could even say "No." We talked every day from the time we woke up until 6 a.m. until one of us finally fell asleep. I've never felt so comfortable with someone the way I did with you. Falling for you wasn't falling, it was walking into a house and suddenly knowing I was home.

My trip to see you was probably the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. It was the most memorable and the most heartbreaking time of my life. I knew it would probably be the last time I would ever see you because whatever it was we had wasn't allowed. I guess that's what I get for loving someone I'm not allowed to have.

I secretly prayed that me visiting you would show you that I was the one for you. But I was wrong for thinking I could change your mind. If I could put all my past lovers and people who ever hurt me in a room together, I'd run to you over and over again. If I had to pick someone to break my heart all over again, I would choose you to set it on fire and shatter it every time.

I would choose you from the moment I open my eyes to the moment that the melatonin kicks in. I will choose you even when you won't choose me.

I miss you. I miss the way things used to be, and the pain I feel when I think about you is sometimes unbearable. But, I will never regret you. I'll never regret the feeling your simple presence brings me. I'll never regret the way we looked at each other, or the way you held me when I was too sad to speak and we just sat in silence. You taught me how beautiful and amazing love can be... But, you also taught me that love will keep you up until 4 in the morning crying softly, wondering how much more pain I can endure.

It's pathetic how after all this, I still hope and pray that it's you and me in the end. Out of all the people could have ripped me to shreds, why on Earth did it have to be you? It's not even like you did it intentionally. But, out of all the people it could have been... I'm glad it was you.

To conclude this letter, I want you to know that I cannot unlove you. I cannot forget how your voice sounded in the middle of the night. I'll never forget the way your lips felt pressed against mine or the way you made everything feel okay. I'm forever grateful for you and everything you've done for me.

This doesn't make sense some days and you drive me crazy most days... But, I am in love with you every day.

Yours truly,

Me