"If you can know where you're going, you've gone. Just keep moving on."

-Stephen Sondheim, "Move On" from Sunday in the Park With George (1983)

I know you're never going to see this, but a lot has changed in my life that you aren't around to know about. And I'm honestly perfectly okay with that. I don't want you to be. I'm writing this to inform you that even though I don't wish to be friends anymore, I still do want you to be happy. So here we go with this letter.

There are so many places I can begin. Do I want to start from where we became friends or from the first time I knew that you and I could no longer be that? I'm feeling nice today, so let's go back to the good days. You were always there in my life, at my school, in my friend group. I just never got to know you personally. Until we were introduced by our mutual friend. I thought you let off a good first impression. You were there for me when I had a problem, and I would stay up all throughout the night to help you out. It didn't take long for you to let me get to know you, and I also allowed you inside my personal life. That was a really scary thing for me to do. We tried to make something more of our friendship, but it didn't end up working out. Hey, some people just aren't right for others. I was okay with that realization, but not with how you approached the situation. You said something to me that really stung. I'm still reminded of those words every time I'm down on myself. But I'm getting beside the point. We had a lot of turbulence as friends, constantly fighting with that middleman who introduced us and with each other. Taking sides was not fun but it had to be done so often. I knew that something wasn't right because of how frequently we would argue over stupid little nothings that just irked the both of us.

Now that I'm thinking about all of this, I am starting to get annoyed and angry over exactly what you did to me and the people I truly care about, but I am trying to take a very calm and mature approach to this now that we're done with all of it. Look, the fact of the matter is that you said some very hurtful things to me, and I'm sure that you feel the same way about me. I have never tried to deliberately hurt you or call you crappy things to your face/to the screen of your phone, but sometimes you have pushed me over the edge to the point where I have to say things that I don't really mean in order to make myself heard. And I am sorry for that. I have apologized profusely for these actions, almost too much. You also did some pretty terrible things to the people I love, and while I'm not going to say exactly what these things are, I hope you realize the way it affected me and all of these special people in my life. I must say I'm disappointed in the way we just stopped talking, but I know that it had to happen. I know you want to try to mend things, but I'm not ready to do that. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I also heard some good news about your life, and I know you have had a hard time the past few months. Please know that I am happy for you and that I really hope that you're satisfied in the place you are right now. I know we will probably never be friends again, especially not in the way that we used to be. But I still hope that you only do what makes you happy, and that you do it for yourself. If you ever come across this letter, don't respond to it. Just think about all that I have said, and reflect on it. Remember everything we said to each other, and all of the good and bad that occurred between us. And try to move past it. I'm still trying to fully get there, and I hope that I can. I hope you can, too.