Hi,

It’s me. How are you? What’s it like? We miss you.

You leaving was hard to grasp, but trying to understand that you’re in a better place is harder. We miss your radiant personality and your sense of humor. We miss everything you are. We miss you.

What’s it like up there? Are you happy? Are you reconnecting with old family and American legends? Are there cats? Are there "Harry Potter" movies? Is there gardening? We know you’ve always loved those things.

Did you know that it’s been rough? And that everyday brings something new. Some days are better than others. And some are worse. A lot worse.

Some days I can’t sleep alone. And some days I think about you when I see the sunset or something with natural beauty.

Trying to understand why you left is hard. It’s like trying to find the last piece of the puzzle that’s really been lost for years. Although everyone will be trying to understand this concept for the rest of their lives, the truth is we might never understand it.

Death is not an easy thing to understand. It’s hard to understand why someone you care for so much is taken away from you. It’s even harder to understand life without them. I’ve been thinking recently about why you had to leave and the only thing I can think of is that God needed you more than we did. He wants people like you with him, people that can make him smile.

He wanted to protect you from this cruel, harsh, unpredictable world. He wanted to give you the world.

They say that time heals all, but how true is that? Will we ever get over losing you? Will our families ever feel one-hundred percent again? Will we ever stop thinking it’s weird when there’s eight table mats set instead of nine? Probably not.

People never heal from tragic events like these. Time does not heal all; time only makes you more used to changes. We will simply get used to the fact that you’re in a better place. We’ll get used to the feeling of heartbreak and the constant "What if" questions. We’ll get used to not seeing your beautiful face.

But that doesn’t mean we’ll love you less or that we’ll think about you less often. In fact, we'll love you more. We'll think about you when we’re afraid or having a bad day and we’ll know that you’re protecting us. We’ll pray for you and pray to you everyday; we’ll cherish you every second.

While you’re up there watching over us we want you to know one thing: You were loved and are loved so deeply. You were so bright and had so much time to live, and we wanted to watch you grow. We loved you through your tough times and your astonishing accomplishments; we always loved you.

Thank you for always sharing your humor with us. Thank you for the endless childhood memories. Thank you for growing up with my family and me.

And although we’ll spend the rest of our lives missing you and grieving, we have another thing in common: we’re all so excited to see you again.

Thank you for watching over us and being our guardian angel.

Love,

Your forever ‘fifth sister’