Dear disappointment,
I wish I could hate you. I wish I could hurt you like you’ve hurt me. I wish I could look back on all the times I wasn't good enough for you and realize that you were never good enough for me either. But I can't. I can’t seem to find it in my heart to hate you.
Sometimes people don’t realize how much their actions affect those around them. I know in your eyes the things you do aren’t hurtful and really even matter, but they hurt me. It hurts me more when you never own up to your actions, and you never apologize when you let me down. You always want me to do stuff for you, but you never return the favor. The things you do aren’t fair to me. I just want to feel like I mean something to you because lately, I feel like you just don’t care about me. Maybe you don’t mean it, but it sure doesn’t feel like you even want me around.
Before, when we would hang out it would be fun, and now it feels forced. Like you’d rather be somewhere else. I feel like I’m just a nuisance you feel obligated to see instead of someone you actually want to see. I come second place to everyone else.
You constantly pushing me away makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I accepted the worst, because you never made me feel worthy of better. I want you to be proud of me, but no matter how much I try, I will never make you proud. I will never get your approval of the things I do in my life. It will continue to haunt me and burden me for the rest of my life as to why you could never be proud of me. Why you couldn’t show your effort like I show mine, but I have gained the courage to accept the things I cannot change.
So if you don’t want to be in my life, that’s okay. I won’t beg you to make an effort if you don’t want to. I won’t beg for anything from you anymore. I’d rather not have someone in my life who always half in and half out anyway. So if you want to go, then go.
A part of me wants you to change, but the other part knows you won’t. I hope this opens your eyes to what you’ve been doing and makes you realize why I’m hurting. I love you with all my heart.
Love,
Me.
