Dear eating disorder,
I didn't ask for you to enter my world. But you showed up anyway. You decided I wasn't good enough and I needed a change. You chose to make my life hell. You tried to ruin me. My body, my mental health, my life. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of me.
At first, it was just little things, like not liking a shirt or feeling uncomfortable. I would opt for baggy clothes instead of the tight confinement of a V-neck. I never felt OK in what I decided to put on for the day. You told me to feel uncomfortable, so I did.
Then I started to dislike my body. I could point out parts I didn't like. My stomach was flabby and my thighs could touch. I didn't like looking in mirrors. From waking up to going to bed I avoided looking at myself. You told me to hate everything about my body, so I did.
"Just don't eat breakfast and you'll be fine," I said to myself after staring in the mirror. What started with one meal turned to two, then three, then all of them. I refused to eat. I pretended I was sick or had already eaten at a friend's. You told me to restrict and starve, so I did.
When I thought it couldn't get much worse, you brought on the sadness. I was always sad, during restricting, during mirror checks, even doing simple tasks. You didn't want me to be happy, so I wasn't.
But now things have changed. You no longer rule my life. I won't allow you to hurt me anymore. You destroyed too much of me.
Eating doesn't mean weight gain. I chose life over choosing to restrict. Jokes on you eating disorder, I'm done.
Love,
The girl you tried to destroy.
