Hey Mom,
First off, you're my hero. I know we didn't always get along while I was growing up, but I want you to know now that I wouldn't trade you for anything. You've supported me in everything I do, and you never gave up on me. For that I am forever grateful.
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I know the last year and a half hasn't been easy, and I cannot even claim to understand the daily battle you're facing. However, I have seen firsthand the positives that it has brought to you and to our family as a whole. I know it took a while to understand the pain alcoholism was causing to yourself and our family, and I know it took even more courage to get treatment. I want to apologize for all the trouble I gave you during that time. I just wanted my mom back, but I realize now I wasn't helping anything with the way I reacted. I'm sorry for all the forcing, the accusing, and the arguing. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you and for not making things easier on your transition.
I realize now that alcoholism is a disease. It's not something that can be cured simply by a mindset. Although I will say that your mindset and your spirit in these past months have been a true testament to your character. You are a strong, amazing woman, and even though I've known that my whole life (even in the times I was too stubborn to admit it), I need you to hear it now more than ever.
I know it hasn't been easy to give up drinking. For a while, it seemed like alcohol was a constant factor in our family dynamic. I understand how painful it must be to own a bar, but not be able to go get a casual drink after a stressful day. I can only imagine how hard it is to attend family dinners and not have a glass of wine, or not be able to have girl's night out because everyone will be hammered and you won't have fun sober. But I also know how much positivity it's brought to our lives.
Instead of our lives revolving around alcohol, they revolve around family. A nice dinner can simply be a nice dinner, just enjoying each other's company and laughing. You can remember the good moments. You can also remember and learn from the bad. You can feel the love surrounding you, rather than having each night end in an argument without any recollection the next day. You can stay up and play cards with us at the beach. We can enjoy your presence.
I have my mom back. The same mom who read me bedtime stories, sang along to my favorite songs, held me through my first breakup, and gave birth to my insanely too expensive shopping habit. You just lost yourself for a while, and it wasn't your fault. Addiction is a mean disease. It's a spiral that some people never get out of. But you did. You admitted you had a problem, and found help. You found a way out, and you've been sober for almost a year and a half.
You are amazing, and the sacrifices you've made for our family will never be forgotten. I want you to know, mainly, that I'm proud of you. Every time that you turn down a drink when the waiter offers it to you, I get even more proud. Each time you tell a friend, "I don't drink anymore," I smile in that comfort, and knowing that you are comfortable talking about it makes me respect you even more. You will never be known as the "not-fun" mom who doesn't drink. You will always be known as one of the strongest people I know. You'll forever be in my heart as a hero. I am beyond proud to call you my mom, and I can only hope to be half the person that you are one day.
With all my heart,
Madison
