Dear Incoming LGBTQ College Freshmen,
As you begin preparing for your first year of college, I can only imagine the boatload of emotions that you all must be feeling. Granted, I know that I cannot empathize with everyone's experiences, as we all come from different places, but I know that this next step is huge for some of you. This is your first taste of freedom; perhaps the first time in your life that you can truly be yourself.
For me, I was luckily able to come out in high school with the support of my friends. It was difficult and weird at the time when having to come to terms with myself, as I was the only out guy at my school at the time. I had a boyfriend at one point, which didn't end well and was short-lived. I also had a family that didn't support me when I told them that I was gay. After everything that I went through in school, I knew that college was going to help me grow into my true self.
Maybe some of you have a story like mine. Some people are going into college already out of the closet and ready to paint their campuses rainbow. Others are possibly questioning their sexualities, and some may not even be aware that they are not completely heterosexual. My first tip to offer is that you don't have to out yourself immediately, unless that's what you really want. People come out at different ages in their lives, some really young and others quite old. If you're still uncomfortable, let yourself grow into your own person with your new surrounding environment. I thought that I had grown as much as I could by the time high school ended, but I found a new comfort in myself once I was on my own.
Colleges, in addition, have support groups on campus. JOIN THEM. Not only do you find allies, but you also build yourself into a community of people who care about a similar cause like you. If you're questioning your sexuality, you can start a dialogue and learn from others' experiences. For those who want to become more involved within on-campus and outside opportunities, these groups also offer them.
A cautionary tip that I can offer is this: don't fall straight into a relationship (see what I did there). Many of my friends had never dated in high school or had minimal experience, such as myself. When I got to college, I figured that I could find guys to casually date or build a relationship with. That was one of my concerns my first semester. Yet, it left me feeling dejected when this didn't happen. Your first semester should be about enjoying your first taste of independence and growing into adulthood, not trying desperately to find your first boyfriend or girlfriend. I also know people who fell into a relationship right when they got to school, only to have it end and them growing depressed when they should've been having fun. It took me a while to realize (the entire year in fact), but I now realize that there is a long life ahead full of possible suitors. You don't have to search high and low in your first month for one.
My last bit of advice to give would be to find quality friends. I got looped into bad crowds from time to time my first year, but I eventually found people who really cared about me. Friends, as I see it, are the best allies you can have. In my own experience, I don't think I would still be alive had I not had great friends in my coming out ordeal. My best friend during my freshmen year, your typical straight white guy, was always quick to offer advice, even though he always admittedly stated that he could not place himself into my shoes as a gay man. Yet, just having that companionship helped me a lot whenever I was down. Whether they are other LGBTQ students or not, you can start a new life from your former one back home with people who care and love you for you.
I know that a lot of LGBTQ individuals did not have strong support systems growing up, whether it was a lack of resources or growing up in homophobic environments. That can change entirely once you get to college. There are resources made widely available, as well as people who you learn are there for you. I thought that I knew myself before embarking on my first year, but I quickly found that I still had a lot more to learn. It has only made me into a more powerful person, and I cannot wait for you to embrace that as well. Congrats on making it this far, and I hope that you continue your pursuit for further growth in intellect and personal self.
