To the boy I once loved:
To start, I hope you are doing okay, I remember the beginning of the semester was pretty rough, but you have seemed to have adjusted. I wish you and I could at least be the friends we promised we would be if we ever broke up. I guess the stars didn’t align and our paths were never crossed. I know we ended on some pretty tough terms, it has been a nasty few months between us. However, I wanted to write this final letter to you.
Being home, I have realized how much I missed what we had before the arguing started. Even you can’t disagree, we had something pretty magical for a long time. You were my best friend, heck you were always known as “my partner in crime”. We walked around school as if it was our kingdom. You made me feel safe and powerful, like I could take on the world when I was with you. For nearly three years "you and I" was all I knew. I will never forget our memories, they were some of my best. You were my prom date both years, we graduated together, we were there for each other’s life milestones in high school.
With all the good memories we shared, I will never be upset that you and I had run its course because it was time. We did have many happy times, but the last few months were dark. It was arguing over stupid things, it was being rude and not fair, it was unkind and downright mean (on both ends). I spent many nights crying because I knew it was all crumbling down. I guess I loved you too much to realize that we weren’t working. In my immature, teenage dreams, I really believed that we would get through anything, I even began to truly think we had a chance at forever (how silly of me). July 25, 2016, my entire life had shifted and you were no longer there. I consider it now one of the best days of my life. Why? I remember telling my mom as I stormed off to the gym to cool off after our break up phone call that I was free from you and I could breathe.
Since the breakup, my life has been full of the question, “what the heck is going on?” The last few months I have had to learn who I am again. This included realizing that I don't need a person to define me, I am not fit to be a science major, and that I am a strong, independent woman. I made some stupid decisions because I couldn’t trust others and myself. I learned from my mistakes relatively quickly. The things you would tell me about how I was "clingy" and that "my anxiety can't be an excuse" made me so insecure when it came to moving on. I actually pushed an amazing guy away because of all these thoughts, which then caused even more anxiety on my part (yes, it is real). I absolutely hated the person I was becoming, eventually I hit rock bottom.
As of today, I am no longer going to care so much. I promised myself in this new year I would not contact you, I would not worry about you, miss you, or think about you. I need to move on, everyone tells me so. I have been so much more confident, I am happy for the first time in what feels like forever. So this is my final letter to you, regardless if you read it. I wanted to say my final farewell, so I can finally clear my head of you. It is my time now in 2017 to make my wrongs, right. I wronged myself and others because of my lack of confidence and worries. I wish you all the best in life because after all we went through, you were there the days no one else was. Thank you for being what I needed in high school, but now it is finally time for me to say, goodbye.
