Dearest Harry Styles,
Let me start off by asking, "How are you doing? Are you sitting around in your hotel after one of your oh-so-awesome concerts? Did you have an awesome time? Did you share drinks with your awesome bandmates, and listen to awesome music and just soak up each other's awesomeness?"
Well, I'm not having an awesome time, thanks for asking, and I'm here to tell you why. Your damn man bun and the rest of you is ruining my freaking life. And when I say you're ruining my life, I mean you're actually ruining my life. Here is a list of 10 reasons why, and hopefully you'll take them into consideration when choosing everything that you do from now on.
1. You get called a sex god for a bun that I've mastered. It's also known as the "I Have No One To Impress In Life" look. Yet you make it work, and I do not.
2. You make the stupid dance moves cute and I just embarrass myself while also losing my dignity.
3. You look like a cupcake, but you're also hot, which is breaking the rules. You can only be one or the other. It's just the rules of attractiveness.
4. You make working out, which makes me feel like I'm dying, the hottest thing ever.
*Quick Harry Styles Appreciation Moment*
5. Your singing voice brings me to so many tears that I start choking on them.
6. Your smile never fails to make me lose my breath, which is bad for my asthma by the way.
7. You look cuddly all the time, which annoys me because I can't cuddle with you.
8. Also your legs are goals—the saddest yet truest thing I've ever said in my life. It's just not fair.
9. You love your band as much as I do, which says a lot because I'm 1D AF.
10. Your big heart for others is just precious, except it's missing me in it.
So for the sake of me and all things pertaining to my sanity, if you ever miraculously see this, follow me on Twitter. Just putting that out there.
