To the girl who grew up without a father figure,
You're not alone. I decided to write an article to the fellow girls without a father figure in their lives because I've personally come to peace with my own situation, and learned some valuable things from it. Also, it's the topic no one wants to talk about or brings up to you. If you're the friend with the deep "daddy issues," it's never talked about, or brought up to you, it's time to let it out.
Let's acknowledge the fact that there are countless studies on the "Effects on Women Without a Father," or "the Importance of a Father Figure in a Woman's Life." I believed I was part of those sad statistics for a long time, and you may also. Realize that you are what you make yourself, and no situation or person makes you who you are. We don't have to be in the majority of women in those sad statistics. Throughout this article are quotes I've taken from various studies on the subject. I challenge you to read these quotes and laugh with me, as we challenge the "statistical studies" that claim to shape us as women.
"Women who grow up without fathers often struggle with feelings of low self-esteem and unworthiness."
Low self-esteem? Women like us created the word self-esteem. We didn't have a Dad to hug us before school and tell us we looked beautiful, we looked in the mirror and had to believe it for ourselves, and we did. Father or not, the media, and our society today make being a woman so high-maintenance and exhausting. Remember you're worth, and don't let it control you. Walk with your head held high, and that pep in your step, you've walked this far without a father reassuring your worth, why stop now? “Available fathers who talked to, praised, and responded to their daughters boost their girls’ social responsiveness and positive feeling about self beyond the level of those girls whose fathers were uninvolved” Laugh at this statement, we rule the self-esteem game.
“Females who lose their fathers to divorce or abandonment seek much more attention from men and had more physical contact with boys their age than girls from intact homes.”
This quote really bothers me, as it should bother you too. I personally have a wonderful family, and a beautiful strong mother who has supported me my whole life. Hopefully the same goes for you, however wonderful family or not, a father's love is something you simply can't replace. The key to counteracting this statement is to not go looking to replace it. Make peace with the fact that you don't have a constant affection of a man in your life, and realize that you don't need it to be happy, or complete. Independence is something I've always struggled with, and is truly a skill to work on every day. You are the only one that controls your emotions. Don't go searching to fill that hole in your heart with the affection of another man, it won't work. Fill it with the love and strength you have for yourself!
“Offspring whose parents were divorced were more likely to avoid short-term relationships .”
No, don't do that! Have as many boyfriends as you want! That may sound bad, but I'm lucky enough to have the most amazing two older brothers, and if there's one piece of advice I've taken from them, it's "Don't Settle." Whether you find "the one" in middle school, or get married to your "perfect man" at 60, (like my mom) never stoop to a lower level to please someone who isn't up to your speed! Growing up without a father makes it easier to have lower expectations for men. Instead of having lower expectations, make them higher, sky high! Only settle for the best, because you deserve it! Focus on kind and gracious characteristics if you seek a relationship, as these may be the characteristics of your future daughter's father.
"Research finds well-fathered daughters are usually more self-confident, more self-reliant, and more successful in school and in their careers than poorly-fathered daughters.”
Hahahaha this is getting ridiculous isn't it? YOU and only you can reach your goals in life. Study hard, work hard, be your best, do your best, without anyone, whether that being your Dad or not, telling you what you're capable of. Relying more excessively on self-motivation, rather than from both your parents, can be used as fuel. Take that fuel and show the world what you can do, and where you'll go, with a father in your life, or not.
I could write about this all day; however, I'll stop there. I previously planned to submit this article anonymously, and hesitated to write this in the first place. However, someone has to talk about it! Don't be afraid to open up and vent about that little hole in your heart sometimes, I know it's barely ever brought up to you. Hopefully, this article empowered you at least in the slightest. Just remember you're no different than the girls raised in a two-parent household, you also deserve the best.
In my Mother's words, "Someday you will have a jewel in your heavenly crown for rising above this part of your life."
Love,
A girl in the same boat
