An open letter to my future employer:
First of all, if you're reading this please understand that I'm trying to be funny and make people laugh, but also yes, all of these things I am saying are true, though probably way less dramatic about them when I meet you.
When I walk into an interview can we just agree to be straight up with each other? Straight forward? I'll tell you right now that I am nervous as hell. I don't sweat when I work out or when it's hot out, but when I walk into your office for that interview I will be sweating through my shirt(s). I guarantee if I'm wearing a blazer I am wearing it to ensure that I do not get pit stains that make you think I'm nervous.
Second of all, if we're doing a Skype interview please don't ask me to stand up and get anything or to move in any way. I have on running shorts and comfy socks to combat the nervous sweating that I've got going on and I have my computer perfectly angled so that you don't get the pleasure of seeing my piles of laundry I have laying around my room. That being said I will do my absolute best not to stutter or let my voice shake and to keep eye contact in an appropriate manner- thank God for my sophomore year speech teacher. Pre-speech class I would've been shaking like a leaf.
Third, I like to joke around and laugh a lot. I don't mean to make you think that I'm not serious, but that is my coping mechanism! I'm taking your laughter as you thinking that I'm funny and hey this interview is going pretty well! If it's not going that well and you don't actually think I'm funny, please don't laugh. My nervous laughter has made the situation a tad more awkward, but hopefully you'll do us both a favor and this interview won't last more than 35 minutes!
Finally, I am really grateful that you took the time to talk to me in an official capacity. I get really nervous and super awkward all the time, so I feel that it's best if we both look at this like an awkward first date. I'm kinda spunky and a little awkward but you're not totally sure, that's fine, I'm not all that sure about you either. I'm not sure if I even want to enter the real world yet, for all we know I could end up on a beach somewhere living in a hut and teaching surf lessons (I'd learn how to surf before I picked up and did that don't worry). Hey, we'll never know unless we go for a second (round interview). I promise to be less awkward if you promise to be less intimidating and accept me for the unsure teenager that I am.
Interviews are really hard, and so is becoming a real live person. It's a bummer to grow up and enter the real world but it has to happen. So future employers, you're already out in the real world, think back and cut us some slack for being twenty somethings who have no idea what we want to do!!
