From the fat girl in the room

Yes, I know that I am the heaviest in the room. No, I do not just ignore it as I should. I compare my figure to your own in my mind and think about what it would be like to have a body closer to yours rather than mine. And then I will sit there and analyze every single part of your body until I find something that I like better on myself. Often times I can only think of my eyes, something that barely has to do with my body parts at all. I think of my clothes on your body, my face on your body, the amount of people who would pay attention to me if I had a body like yours. But do not worry, I will not hate you just because of your body or my jealousy, I will hate you based only off personality.

I typically do not tell that I noticed it, point out the fact that I am the whale in the room, the overweight one, the one that no one wants to be. I think it is pretty obvious that I am the heaviest, no need to point it out. But when I do speak up, I am told that it does not matter, that my size does not measure who I am.

But here is the important part, even though I know I am the fattest, I am unaffected by it anymore. I am so use to being that girl, that I hardly bother to evaluate anyone anymore. I would rather not know most of the time. It is important to remember that others notice your size, but they do not notice you as the fattest, the heaviest, the plumpest, or however else they want to word it. They notice that you are their best friend, the person who makes them laugh, their boyfriends best friend, anything but the fat girl. Growing up sucks, but one of the advantages is that people tend to stop paying attention and comment on weight problems.

I know that there is gong to be some on who mentions the health problems, so here is a message to that person! It is not your body, you do not know how I manage my lifestyle, and your opinion is irrelevant to me.

Yes, I am the fat girl in my friend group. Yes, I am much heavier than my boyfriends. No, I do not care about either of these things. I am the person they love and I am the person that makes them laugh, nothing less. So I am not ashamed to be the fat girl, nor am I upset that I am bigger than anyone else because I know that my friends can see my true body and the people I love know the true me.