A Letter From A Perfectionist | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

A Letter From A Perfectionist

We don't realize how strongly we resist being broken open.

58
A Letter From A Perfectionist
Google Images

Nope, something’s missing.

I need to get 100% on this.

What if I don’t do as well as I’d hoped?

It needs to be perfect.

These thoughts circled throughout my mind as I worked on the various things I overcommitted to. But there was no going back, right? I felt this uncontrollable need to put other people’s happiness in front of my own because I cared too much about what they thought. I left myself with little time to complete my personal tasks (which should have taken priority), which resulted in unnecessary stress. All my assignments and projects exquisitely organized in color-coded binders needed to be perfect. This is why I am my own worst enemy.

Rarely did I feel beautiful when I woke up in the morning; and I often got self-conscious about morning breath or how my hair looked. I realized that no one looks camera-ready immediately after waking up, but I could care less about his or her morning breath or messy hair. As for myself, I had this unexplainable desire to be some perfect entity that arose from the sheets every morning.

I often looked in the mirror and felt unsatisfied. It’s not that I was unhappy with my body or had wished I had another; it was simply because I knew there was so much more that I could do in order to make my legs thinner, or my stomach more well-defined. I constantly scrolled through photos of pretty, skinny girls on Instagram and contemplated eating less. When I went to the gym, I nearly worked myself to exhaustion, to the point at which I felt faint and dizzy. Nothing I seemed to do gave me the beautifully sculpted body that visited me in my dreams each night. I gazed at my gorgeous friends and forgot about the physical traits I was blessed with too. Because that’s just easy to do when you’re a perfectionist.

The insecurities that emanate with being a perfectionist are hard to explain because one would think they shouldn’t exist in the first place. They ate me alive and annoyingly reminded me that everything needed improvement. Pointing out flaws and offering up suggestions can be a great thing (depending on the subject), but other times it can cause avoidable stress and anxiety.

I wish it were simple to completely stop caring about what others think of me, about my looks, and about my grades. But the thing is, it’s not simple. Because if you asked me why I care so much, I would honestly say, I don’t know. My refusal to accept any standards short of perfection has always been my natural tendency.

Recently though, I have held myself accountable to a personal promise: To appreciate more and embrace my imperfections. Although I continue to live with these minor insecurities, I realize that I’m a human being and I’m subject to fail. Throughout most of my life, I have feared failure, mistakes, and the abominable normal standard. Exceeding was all I ever trained myself to do. Little did I know that I was training myself to be something I wasn’t.

There is a poem written by Marianne Williamson titled “Our Deepest Fear” that relates to my situation better than any other piece of writing ever could. The first few lines say it all:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

The poem continues, and it explains how unrealistic our idea of perfect actually is. More often than not, we hide our true selves from the rest of the world, in fear of judgment, emotional harm, and ultimately failure. But if we simply unmask ourselves and let our light shine, the rest of the world benefits, because it gets to see who we really are.

Now that is beautiful.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

180157
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

7233
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

452457
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

23273
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments