Dear Fluffy Puppy,

I think I call you Boo, but whatever. You have been here for about a month, I thought you would be gone by now. So, I guess you are staying. There are some rules you will need to learn before we can accept you.

Fiona and I have been discussing it and we do not like that you are so fluffy. You keep leaving fur on the humans and they are blaming us, but we know it is you. So, you either need to stop shedding or cut off your fur, your choice.

The cats are our enemies. They are evil and only want to torture us when we are taking naps. Do not trust the white one, she may look innocent but she will try to scratch if you get too close. The other one may run away if you are scary enough.

Do not, under any circumstances, take our food. They ration our food already and now that you are here we need all that we can get. We may take your food but do not take ours. Same thing with the cookies. We get yours until you are accepted into the pack.

You can have two toys. They will most likely be ripped but you’re new so we get the good ones. The plastic bones are all mine; Fiona knows this and so should you. They should put one in your crate soon, and when they do it is mine. I will take it no questions asked, you’re welcome.

Fiona says to keep away from Daddy, he is hers. If you come near him again, there may be trouble. Fiona’s words not mine.

Finally, wear the clothes Mommy makes you wear. They may be annoying at times but sometimes they keep us warm. She keeps saying she will put bows in your fur, good luck with that. Ha-ha, not.

Good Luck, maybe you will be good for our pack.

The Boss,

Lilo