If I had a dollar for every stereotypical only child question and confused look I've ever received, my college tuition would have been paid for long before I even hit high school.
In my family, I’m the youngest, the oldest, the middle and the favorite. You may hate me. You may pity me. You may be jealous of me. Only children are distinguished as spoiled, bratty, selfish bitches. I just want to start out by saying that I take a great deal of offense to all of that, to the stigma that so many kids are plagued with.
As an only child, you constantly have to be prepared to face the judgment and reactions of others when the conversation of “how many siblings do you have?” is brought up. People think it’s easier to be an only child; you don't have siblings to compete with for attention, affection or funds.
Sure, Christmas was elaborate, birthdays were celebrated and accomplishments were awarded, but so are they for children with siblings. I’m an only child, not a Kardashian. My parents did the best they could. I had friends who had big families and had three or four siblings, and they got more Christmas presents then I ever did. But nobody questioned that.
People fail to see the difference between being spoiled and being privileged. The line becomes blurry.
My parents were so afraid of confirming the stereotypes that I can 100 percent honestly say that I was never handed anything, from a new iPhone to a later curfew. If anything, I had to work harder to receive the things that I wanted than children with siblings might've had to. Materialistic items and privileges were earned not expected. My parents had boundaries and remained determined in making decisions guaranteed to always keep me grounded. I was never told I was smarter or better than anyone else. I was told the truth. I was told that life was difficult and unfair, but if you work hard you can be happy and successful in whatever you hope to accomplish. I am grateful for every present, experience and vacation they provided for me. I learned how to value both things and people in life.
Not having to share parents is both a blessing and a curse. People believe that only children have parents who let them do whatever they want, roaming free throughout childhood. HA, that is funny. Unless you experience being an only child first hand, you don’t understand. Your parents are focused on you 24/7, over thinking every one of your decisions, but can you blame them? They’re not going to let you run wild- they have one child, one shot to get it right, one chance for their work to succeed.
People assume we as only children are immature because we never had to take responsibility for our actions. That could not be more false; without siblings, there is nobody to share the blame with (“it was the dog” only works as an excuse for so many things and so many times). So while my friends were blaming their sister for the spilled cereal, the messy playroom or broken vase, my parents only had one face to point the finger towards: MINE. There is nobody to fix your mistakes or make you shine brighter in comparison.
There were times I begged and pleaded to my parents to adopt a sibling, especially when I was younger. I desperately wanted a sister to play ‘house’ with or a brother to teach me basketball. I envied friends who had playmates at their disposal, siblings who were only five steps away at all times. But the only way our family expanded was with the use of four legged animals (looking at you Happy the bunny). But pets become siblings, and although they don’t talk back, they listen, play and never fail to make you smile, just like any sister or brother would. It wasn’t until I was older that I accepted having a sibling was past my control. Instead, you gain best friends who become like sisters and find the joy in sending them home after a week of bringing them on your family vacations.
There was never a ‘kids table’ in my house or at family functions. I was present at every adult gathering and (appropriate) conversation. You mature faster and differently than your friends with siblings do. When all my peers were shy, awkward and uncomfortable talking to adults, I shined in the ever-so-familiar situation.
I’m 20, a junior in college and I'm independent. Being an only child, you don’t have siblings to rely on, so you learn to look out for yourself. I can stand on my own, make decisions and be held accountable for every single one of my actions- thanks to the two best humans in my life.
Sure, there are pressures as your parents' expectations only have one place to fall, but these standards will shape you into the person that you become. My parents praised me when I succeeded and gave me reality checks when needed.
I’ve met plenty of people who have siblings and are more selfish, spoiled, lonely or immature than I am. It doesn’t matter if you have zero siblings or 10. It’s about the environment in which you are raised. It's about the values that you are taught, the traditions that are instilled and the love that fills the place you call home.
Being an only child is simply part of who I am. My parents aren’t just my Mom and Dad; they’re my role models, support system and best friends. The relationship I have with them is indescribable. The bond is something that would be completely altered if I had siblings.
Through all the hardships and expectations, I know that they only want the best for me.
I am the only daughter of two of the greatest people I know and love, and I am honored to take on that responsibility and hope to make them proud.
