To Whom It May Concern,

Yikes, that sounds more than a little ominous, doesn’t it? In truth, I’m just trying to be subtle, so please don’t think of me as intimidating. Instead, think of me as intimating- intimating the secret to winning and keeping “her” heart, that is!

Just kidding. There is no secret. And if there is, well, I guess you’ve found it! Congrats! (Unless you’ve become her boyfriend by using the dark arts or a secret love potion, in which case, not cool.)

Again, I’m not trying to intimidate you at all, but please hear me out- I’ve known her for quite some time. Not for her whole life, but longer than you. She and I have been through alot together- from mental health to band break-ups (then back to mental health), among other things. I love her to the moon and back; she is more like a sister than a best friend. Think of the female version of a bromance, and that’s us.

Here are just a few things you should know about her, if you don’t already. Number one, she’s the most caring, genuine person you will ever meet, period. She will often go out of her way to make sure everyone else in the room feels comfortable and okay. Please make sure she takes some time to care for herself, too.

Number two: she’s hilarious. At around 2 a.m. or later, as you may already know, her filter goes completely out-of-whack, and she will make you laugh so hard your entire body hurts. So please- laugh at her jokes, even her stupid dad jokes which are not always as stupid as I claim. Accept her humor, and roll with her randomness. She is a spice of life, and she makes everything fun.

Number three: she’s very huggable, and very stubborn. I say combine the two. When she’s being stubborn, offer to give her a hug and let her know everything is okay. Sometimes words aren’t necessary or helpful, but a hug, in my humble opinion, always is.

You’ve probably heard this stereotype from plenty of people, but: picture me as an old, bearded man with a gun, saying “If you break her heart, I’ll break you!” In reality, you likely know me, and you likely know I’m not very intimidating, but if worst comes to worst, I can pretend I know karate. Seriously though, she’s an extremely special girl (as you are well aware of, by this point), and she deserves someone who will treat her right, love her even when it’s hard, and above all, grow with her in a relationship with the Lord every single day.

Now that I’ve set up some pretty high expectations for you, let me put you at ease: I will pray for you guys all the time, because chances are if you’ve gotten this far, I’ve already approved of you ecstatically. I am so, so happy and joyful for you two, because you are both incredibly lucky.

Here’s another secret: I think you’ve got this.

Thanks for making my best friend incredibly happy. You’re the best.

Sincerely,

Your Designated Third Wheel (please let me keep this title I've worked so hard for it I won't stalk you guys too much I swear)