Mark-

This is not your real name, I know, but you know why I’m calling you that. It’s to protect your identity. Some of these tales are a bit out there and embarrassing, more or less, so I will not call you by your real name.

It has been about 14-15 years since we first met in Mrs. Swanson’s kindergarten class. Remember that day? She took the class to the office and we showed up late, and we were the only ones in the room. I was freaking out and you literally said to me “Dude, chill out." Then we messed around on the plastic play sets until the class came back. We didn’t have class together again pretty much until high school. Thanks to recess, we managed to stay friends. We used to play Star Wars or whatever on the playground. We were fascinated with war, even at a young age, and we did our own simulations both at school and when I came over to your house.

Your mom became basically a second mom to me. During the summer, I was at your place basically every day, still playing war with cap guns. As we grew older, there were a few times I felt that our friendship had came to an abrupt and sudden end. Remember Jose? And how much you hung out with him? I tried to tell you it was a bad idea, but you persisted. But, at the end of the day, we were still hanging out at your place playing Medal of Honor or Star Wars Jedi Outcast on the Gamecube.

We all know how middle school went for me. Good old MSS. I remember the few times when I didn’t feel the same, and I never did anything about it. As my health started to decline, I told you about the “List of 13” I created. You always kept the positive attitude, saying “Don’t worry, it won’t reach 13”. It never did, from what I remember. This was also the time when your mom’s health started to decline and I didn’t go to your house for at least two summers. When I finally did, I could hardly believe what had become of your mom. If I remember, this was after her heart attack. It hurt to see her like this, but I think it clicked something in you.

I don’t know what, but after middle school, you really started to hang out with the wrong people. Throughout the beginning of high school, it was obvious that something had changed. You became different. Plans you made never involved me anymore, you were hitting on the wrong kind of girl for you, and you went to parties you probably shouldn’t have gone to. I couldn’t even sit with you at lunch. Our friend, Kevin, was really dragging you to do things with him and only him, and you blindly followed.

Due to my lack of memory, I don’t remember when I first started to see that something was really wrong. Worse than the “I want to be cool” phase. The first times I asked about it was most likely sophomore year, during math class, the first class we had together for a long while. You opened up a little, saying that you had had similar thoughts I did. When I went off to get better for a week in April, I came back and you told me you really did miss me. That meant a lot, and I still hold that thought today. You told Jake to stop being a dick to me, and he usually listened.

The next sign didn’t happen until the next year. We had first and second period together, and I always managed to convince the teacher to let us sit together. One day, business was normal. I went to my seat when Mr. Boss opened the door. You walked in and gave me what was an attempt at a hug. I asked what it was for, and you made the motion of dragging your finger on the bottom your wrist. I knew what had happened, and texted you throughout the day to make sure everything was going good. I felt guilty, I didn’t really know what to do or say. Later on during the school year your mom passed away, a big blow to everyone who knew her. It may not have hurt you as much as it did others, but it sure did a number. You still did the partying, the drinking, and the useless buying of random crap. I tried to hang out with you, but “those guys” were always around. Getting a response from you was unheard of. It seemed like the end.

Something changed after high school though. We hung out every now and again, usually pulling side-by-side Xbox all nighters. You brought my at-the-time girlfriend over to my work, and you came by sometimes. You even gave me advice when it was time to let that girlfriend go. I went off to college and for fall break I "voluntold" you to come get me. I taught you a little about the Bible, we got you one, you met my at-the-time girlfriend, and made the greatest face when she told you about her war collection. We took the 4 hour drive back home, and you went through more toll booths than you had to and we ended up in Rockford! I’m still trying to figure out that one. I learned that you were taking classes at the community college and working on a job as well. I could see that you were trying to do something despite of your past.

I haven't messaged you in a while, and I hope things are well. I do have you to thank for why I’m at college in the first place. If you hadn't been in the Explorer Post back home, told me how fun it was, and then dragged me to my first meeting, I would have never thought of law enforcement as a career path. Now I’m studying to be a Crime Scene technician or Federal Agent. You’ve been a good friend, you're always there and willing to listen when I needed a battle buddy (when you responded of course). It's a

miracle to have someone you've known for 15 years. I can see you and I still screwing around wherever we go off to cracking random jokes, playing with the toys in Walmart, and making fun under our breath at the McDonald’s drive thru worker (you know you remember) far into the future. Just remember three things. Text me anytime, things will work out, and everything you do, do it for Ysgramor!!