Dear future daughter,
I've been thinking about you a lot lately -- it may be the baby fever that has been running rampant inside me, or it could be the want I have always had to some day be a mom with a little me running around. Nonetheless, you have been on my mind constantly these past few months. I am only 20 years old, and there are many things I haven’t learned, but I want you to know how I feel about you at this point in my life. Even though it will be years before you are born, I love you already and I know that I will love you forever.
I know being a mother won’t be all fun and games, but when the time comes, I know it will be the happiest time of my life. I am ready for all the joy you will bring, the deep baby laughs, the cute faces and the little sneezes. I am ready for the poop-filled diapers, the endless crying and the sleepless nights. I am ready to take care of you when you are sick and make you laugh when your are sad. I am ready to worry about you for the rest of my life. I am ready for the pain and heartbreak you will bring me in all shapes and forms, because I know it will happen, and I know it will be worth it. But through all of the craziness that is sure to come, I can only hope that our bond is just as strong, if not stronger, than the one I have with my own mother.
I want you to know that you can always come to me, and I’m not saying that in cliché way -- you really can come to me for any reason at all. It doesn’t matter if you have a crush on a boy in the 6th grade (or earlier, if you crush on people like I did), or if you crashed the car on your way home from a friends’ house after you first get your license (fingers crossed that never happens though). I will be there to talk to you and help you through anything. Your safety, well-being, and sense of security in life is far more important than anything else.
I want to raise you like my parents did me, to be open and honest. You never need to hide anything from me -- I will always listen to you and help you in any way I can. I will never judge you or make you feel like you’ve made a mistake, because chances are I did the same things. In all honesty, I think we all have. The difference is, some woman choose to hide that from their children, and I promise you I will not do so. Now, of course I won’t bombard you with all the things I have done, but when the time is right, I will let you know that you are not alone. I will tell you my stories along with my mother's, your grandmother's (she has some good ones), and I know she won’t mind. As a matter of fact, I assure you that she will be there for you just as I am. So if you ever feel distant from me -- because I have come to the realization there are times you just don’t want to talk to your mom -- please go to her, because she is the one who has taught me everything I know.
I will do anything and everything with you and for you. We can have nights (or days) where we sit on the couch eating popcorn and watching movies of all kinds. We can go on mother-daughter dates to wherever you choose. We can go camping and spend nights under the stars talking about life. I will do my best to make sure we are able to do all the things you've always wished for and so much more.
Don’t hesitate to come cry on my shoulder when you’re a child living at home, or over the phone when you’re away at college and some guy has broken your heart. I mean it; I will hold you, cry with you, and do anything I can to make you feel better no matter your age. But, there are things that you will have to learn on your own because nothing I say will make you feel better, and I’m sorry for that.
If you need someone to dance around in your room with you, I’ll be there. I’ll show you the music I listened to when I was your age, and I’ll join you in listening to whatever type of music you love, and we will bond over that for years because music has a way of bringing people closer together.
Express yourself however you wish. I won’t hold you back from dying your hair or getting your nose pierced, or whatever else you may want to do. As long as it does no permanent damage to your body or future, have fun and try new things.
Please don’t beat yourself up over boys who don’t like you when you think you’re in love -- I promise you the right guy will come along. I know it hurts and I know at the time you won’t believe it, but just give it time because things will work out for you.
Be yourself and don’t hold back! I know it’s hard, but don’t let the fear of others stop you from living your life. I missed out on a year of high school because I chose to take online classes, and I wish I wouldn’t have. I wish I would’ve gone to all the football games and found a group of friends to spend my days and nights with. Luckily, I figured that out my senior year and had a great time. I still wish I would have done so sooner, though, and I hope you enjoy your high school years as much as possible.
On that note, leaving for college will be hard. You will lose friends, and if you’re anything like me (and chances are you will be), you’re going to become extremely home sick the first month (or six months). But it will become the best time of your life. You will meet people who show and teach you new things, people who will be there for you more than any of your old friends ever were. You will learn more about yourself in college than any other time in your life; I know I have.
Don’t give up. When you find something you love (or think you will love), no matter how difficult it may be, stick with it! This is my biggest regret. I tried many things in my life -- sports, instruments, artsy things -- but I never persevered, and I wish I would have.
Sometimes things don’t work out when it comes to friendships, relationships, and life in general for that matter. Don’t get too upset about it; it just means that those people were only meant to enter your life for a short time -- better people and opportunities will come your way.
Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you aren’t important, or that you are less than. Remember that you are never the problem; it’s not because you did wrong or weren’t good enough for them. If someone hurts you, they are to blame and it is that simple, so don’t blame yourself.
Recently I’ve learned to not potentially ruin something great you have going for you because of a past “what if,” and I hope you learn that sooner than I did. The past is in the past for a reason -- don’t turn back, but keep moving forward.
Even though I’ve told you not to get upset, or 'don’t let things get to you' over and over, it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. So go ahead and cry -- you’ll feel better afterwards, just don’t dwell on it.
I’m sure we will have some differences, but I have no doubt that we will always be close. So please spend time with me after you’re grown up; come back home and tell me about your life. Continue to stand by me in the kitchen and help me cook while we jam out to music. Never stop asking me for advice because I’ll always be there to give it. Remember all the silly things we did together when you are a kid, and that I always wanted to give you the world.
I hope you can learn from me, and grow from what I teach you. I hope you never have to feel the things I have felt. I hope you never have a toxic person in your life who makes you feel terrible. I hope you love yourself. I hope you can keep that innocent child-like face and laugh for as long as possible. I hope you always feel loved by myself and your father. I hope you never feel lost in this world. I hope you never feel like I don’t care about you. I hope you achieve every goal you set for yourself. I hope you are stronger than I ever was. I hope you are better than me.
Most importantly, don’t forget that I love you, ever.
I will tell you these things, and plenty others, too many times to count in your life, and I am sorry if it ever becomes repetitive, but one day you’ll understand. And I know, you hate that line -- I did, too. But even now at 20 years old, without a kid, I do understand that everything my mother has said to me has meaning, and she has always known what is best for me, even when she let me learn lessons on my own. And as hard as it may be, I know that’s what I will have to do for you, as well. But remember, your mom does know best. Mine sure did.
Love,
Your future mother
P.S.: This isn't all I have to say, but it will have to do for now.
