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An Open Letter To My Grandma

A letter to the grandmother that I don't remember.

Aug 16, 2016

Dear Grandma

It's been just over 23 years since I lost you. Most days I feel cheated because I am the youngest and everyone else got to spend more time with you. Then I take a step back and I realize that I should be cherishing the three years I got to spend with you. So that's what I do I cherish the time I got with you and treasure everything I have that was once yours like your necklace that Aunt Jane gave to me or the quilt you made for my mom. I live through all of the stories about you that everyone has told me and tell myself your just bowling in heaven every time it storms. Every once in awhile I meet someone who I know you have sent in my direction,i think all of us have said that at one point or another and we all know that it is true.

If there is one thing that I love to hear my family tell me it's how much I am like you. You couldn't sing and neither can I but you did it anyway and so do I. It makes me smile knowing that I share that with you and that if you were here we'd probably be standing in the kitchen baking cookies and singing off key at the top of our lungs. We'd probably do the same thing in the car on our way to the beach or to the mountains. Two places I know you loved and I'm sure I get the love I have for them from you.

After we lost you, Grandpa did so much for all of us I don't have a single childhood memory of family Christmas or Halloween without him in it.Sometimes I wish I remembered the ones we shared with both of you. Then I realize that Grandpa was always there with us because he wanted to be and he played the role of both of you for many years. He did everything by himself that you should have done together and for that I think he was very strong. It had to be tough for him to fill two pairs of shoes but he managed for eight more years and he did an amazing job.

I often wonder if you had been here how life would be. I'm sure you would have been at every sporting event for my sister and I and gone with mom to Potsdam to watch swim meets. You would have insisted on visiting Plattsburgh with me and would have been standing in that snowstorm with mom and I when I told her I wanted to go to school there. You would have been at all 4 graduations and would have rode in the U-Haul to Colorado with my mom and sister when she moved out there. Then I sit back and I realize even though you weren't with us in person you were there with us in spirit. You did all of those things with grandpa by your side and you were there in Heaven waiting for him with his cat the day he passed away.

Even though I don't remember you I really wish I did and I thank god everyday that you have walked by my side in spirit for the last 23 years.

Love,

Your youngest grand child who misses you so much.

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