Dear Mom, Papa and Diego,

Holy heck I miss you.

I missed you already when you were away from home for too long, or when I was laughing at something that only you would understand, or when I wanted someone to be goofy with...

What am I going to do without your hugs for a few months? What am I going to do without your big laughs erupting in the air right next to mine?

This whole end of the summer has reminded me how much I need you and have taken having you around for granted. I don’t know what perfect is, but I’ve seen far from perfect. I’ve seen fathers forget their daughters birthdays, I’ve seen mothers too distracted by life to check on the just-as-important-and-complex life of their daughter, and I know siblings who don’t speak to one another. But the universe doesn’t pick and choose who to let suffer and who gets all the love. We all suffer. Whether it comes from family or friends, internal or external struggles, we are met with something or someone that fills in that love. In the book "Wonder" by R. J. Palacio, the main character Auggie says that “[the universe] takes care of its most fragile creations in ways we can’t see." The universe has blessed me with a family that will not leave me alone and I’m learning how much of a gift that is.

I know my junior year was slightly rough. When I talk to my social worker about family she sees a huge, and positive, contrast between then and now. It seems that whenever I was angry I would take it out on you guys. I was out so often because I thought that being out with others was what I was supposed to do (or supposed to want), so I put on this superior/cynic attitude and rebelled against your love and what I thought was bad overbearing attention.

I can’t go back in time, but I can make the time I have control of better. I see that you were just worried about me, that you actually cared, and most importantly: you’re people too. I know that sounds like a silly thing to lose sight of, but I was really self-centered and forgot. You are people who interact with other people and have struggles and goals and worries just like I do. I hope this year I’ve been showing you better that I recognize that.

I know it’s going to be hard at times to be away from all of you, especially at the beginning, but I don’t want this to be a sad thing. We’re in places we want to be and no one is forcing us to be apart, except maybe the miles in between. That said, I have many thanks to give for how happy you’ve made me to be alive this year and for countless moments in all of my years, so I’ll name a few.

Thank you for encouraging a life of learning just for the fun of it-- bits of my heart are splattered on every wall in our house because of all of the amazing books I first opened the pages to there.

Thank you for always texting me when I’m away, whether camping in a different state or I’m just at school, one of the most warming feelings is when someone sends you something out of the blue saying “this reminded me of you."

Thank you for always listening to me when I want to go on for 10 minutes about the latest thing I’m obsessing over.

Thank you for the endless debates about how to pee in public restrooms, endless family pseudonyms for the word “fart," and jumping on the Hamilton bandwagon after I had been playing it for months and the whole world and their mothers caught on.

Thank you for all of the intense board games, card games, Doctor Who and Stranger Things marathons, and more. Spending time playing along and sometimes screaming to fictional worlds is one of my favorite parts of us. You make my imagination thrive.

Thank you for teaching me how to go the extra mile, go out of my way, try something new, and be adventurous. Without that I wouldn’t be studying fashion in New York with short hair and butterflies in my stomach.

And thank you Toby, Lilly and Brownie for being cute as heck and always cuddling with me and making me rack up the tardies for staying in bed holding your small little bean bodies with your tiny little soft paws, god you’re so freakin’ cute!!!!!