Watching a family member slowly die of any type of cancer is devastating. Witnessing the pain, weakness, suffering and weight loss is a horrible thing for anyone to see. Their bodies are literally shutting down, and it’s very important to be there for them while we still can.
My grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2013. She then decided to go under radiation therapy and take oral chemotherapy. The cancer metastasized to her liver and lungs, so her doctor decided to change her oral chemotherapy. After numerous tests it was concluded that the chemotherapy was not working, as the cancer continued to spread. My grandmother, along with her doctor's consent, decided to stop all treatment.
My grandmother was recently taken from this earth to no longer live in any pain, and even though I have no regrets, I do want her to know a few things:
Grandma,
I’m sorry you were in so much pain, and that cancer took all of your happiness from you.
You were sick for a few years, but those few years must have seemed like an eternity to you because they sure felt like a lifetime to me. Watching you be in pain for so long made me want to take it all away from you. I would have rather felt that pain because just maybe my young 20-something-year-old body might have been able to beat that cancer. I would be the one going to doctor's visits, taking oral chemotherapy, going under radiation, seeing my body grow weaker as I lost weight, my hair and my memory.
I’m sorry I didn’t visit you as much as I should have when you were sick. I was being selfish because I wasn’t prepared to see you die. The last time I saw you completely broke me. You looked like you were ready for this pain to be over, and it seemed like you knew that it was your time. I made sure to tell you that I love you before I left, so you'd always remember.
I know you're in a better place than suffering on this earth, and maybe that’s why I wasn’t as completely heartbroken as I thought I would be when I saw you for the last time. There were so many people at your services. Pop-Pop even said how grateful he was that so many people love the two of you.
Putting together two poster boards full of family photos assured me that my long-time passion of photography really paid off, but in a more personal way than I originally thought. I was reminded how lucky I am to have so many amazing memories of you.
You always cheered me on in everything I did in life from dance to soccer, photography to college and jobs. You'd motivate me and congratulate me on every little accomplishment. You even liked seeing the “cute man” I got tattooed on my leg.
We would all laugh because you’d never be shy to yell at Pop-Pop, “Franson!”, when he would act out of line, and we all secretly knew that you made the rules. I guess when you're married for over 70 years, the man learns when to be quiet.
You'd never sit down even when we all told you to--you'd be at the kitchen sink doing dishes after a 20-person family birthday party, so that everyone could enjoy themselves.
You were always at every single family event. Our family wasyour world. You loved all of us, your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. You loved watching us grow up, and watching the boys have families of their own.
You were there for me through everything: picking me up from school, my First Communion, my high school prom, you and Pop-Pop even surprising me at my 21st birthday party (even though it was past your bedtime and I was wearing a shirt with the words “It’s My 21st Birthday Bitches” splattered across my chest- Oops!)
You taught me that family comes first... Before everything and everyone, and I'm so happy that I learned that from you, because I would do anything for my family... That phenomenal trait you taught me makes the burden of not having you around even more painful.
I want you to know that I cherish every moment I had with you. You made my life so special, and I couldn't be more grateful.
We will all take care of Pop and make sure he stays out of trouble. Well, try to, anyway.
I love you so much, and thank you. For everything.
