I have had the unique blessing and burden of having been an aunt since my oldest nephew was born one month before my first birthday. Since then, I have accumulated seven more nephews and eight nieces. I've always had to be conscientious about my actions because I knew the little ones would emulate everything that I did. We've all grown a lot since then with many of us living across different cities and states. And while I know they still look to me for advice, I feel, given my age and experiences, that there are a few things I'd like to share with them that they might not ask- especially my nieces.
Love Will Find You.
You see your friends getting engaged, getting married, even having children already and your heart aches because you are anxious to have a love story of your own. Take it from me, love will be there when you least expect it. Good love. Not rushed love, not forced love, not love that happens because everyone else is in love. A lifelong love that will love you like no one else has before him. He will leave you flowers on your car in between college classes, he will pay for your meal before you even realize the check came and refuse to let you look at the total on the bill, he will love you in a way that makes you feel safe enough to face your fears, he will teach you to love yourself in new ways, and when he looks into your eyes you will realize why it never worked out with anyone before him. Be patient, my darlings.
Work on yourself, develop a hobby, volunteer, have fun and enjoy freedom because once your time is shared with another person you will invest your time differently for the rest of your life. Especially develop a hobby that you enjoy. You may connect with a person that you would've never expected- be it a new friendship or romantic relationship.
Do You.
College and your early twenties are a time of finding yourself. It's the one time in your life when you have permission from society to go against the grain or screw up. Try new things. Go to a strange restaurant, buy that thrift store shirt with the astronaut cat riding a rainbow and wear it with pride, stay up late dancing and get your ears pierced (twelve times if you need to). When college is over and it is time to begin your career, you will be running late, coffee burning your fingertips while you are digging in your closet for your matching black heels and that cat T-shirt in the back of your closet will catch your eye and make you smile. The skin where you pierced your ears will grow back together (even where you had your ears gauged to a small number), but that desire to experience something you never have before builds inside a person and may leave a void that will never close.
Travel.
Get outside of your comfort zone. Make friends with the stranger that sits at the lunch table with you. Make friends with the elderly lady on the bus on your way to class. When you have to run into the grocery store and a conservative looking man holds up an avocado and asks you, "What the heck is this thing?" Laugh with him. Meet people everywhere you go. Travel to a faraway land is a nice thought, but travel takes money and time. Most people love to talk about themselves and share their life's stories and those stories will take you places that an escorted tour of Paris never would. Don't judge a book by its cover; you could never imagine some of the adventures a person may have experienced. Remember, they were once a young screw-up, too.
Don't Be Afraid To Change Your Mind.
You graduate high school, apply for college and everyone asks you the same question, "What's your major?" In an instant you are expected to already have a definite major in mind to build the rest of your life around. You apply for college based on this major, register for classes and plan the next four years of your life around this singular choice. Hear me loud and clear- don't be afraid to change your mind. On the first day when you sit down in your college algebra course and the professor has an accent so thick that you can't tell if he just said, "The square root is three," or, " Look up that tree," change your mind. When you've already invested two years towards a degree in registered nursing and you go to your first fieldwork experience and you feel like you're living someone else's life- change your mind. You may have to take a semester off, but in the big scheme of things it is a small amount of time. When you've busted your butt for four years in one of the most intense teacher training programs in the state, graduated with a 4.0, and accepted your degree, don't be afraid to change your mind. Just because you are good at something doesn't mean you should do it. Go back to school. Or don't. Find your happiness. Lose the guilt. Some people live their entire lives without truly living.
Go Outside.
With the extreme influx of technology, it seems like no one does this enough anymore so you'll kind of be a hipster. And the best part of going outside? It's free. Lay down a blanket and read a real book. Are hard copies of books considered vintage now? If so, more cred as a hipster.
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy.
You log in to Facebook and see your high school classmates becoming doctors, engineers and pharmacists. You wonder if you're good enough. Let me tell you this, don't question your happiness by looking into the computer screen. Log out (and stay logged out as long as you need to), and go look into a mirror. The person looking back at you is the only person in your life that you should give permission to question yourself. The people you are comparing yourself to? Their journey is not your journey.
Love yourself, give yourself permission to screw up and don't allow fear to be in the driver's seat of your life. Get uncomfortable if it makes you a better "you" and above all else, live.
All my love,
Your Crazy Aunt Leah
